


New year New roommate

by SpottyAnarchist5



Category: Bottom (UK), Hetalia: Axis Powers, The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: 1980s, Accents, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Angst, Anxiety, Bathing/Washing, Bathtubs, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Bullying, Butt Slapping, Christmas, Christmas Decorations, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Crack Relationships, Crossover, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark Comedy, Deal with a Devil, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fortune Cookies, Gender Identity, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Hetalia References, Hurt/Comfort, Inappropriate Humor, Innuendo, Internalized Homophobia, Krampus - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Original Character(s), Original Character-centric, Other, Pets, Politics, Prom, School Dances, Slapping, Sleep Deprivation, Spanking, SpongeBob SquarePants References, Towels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-18 00:59:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 45
Words: 22,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13670976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpottyAnarchist5/pseuds/SpottyAnarchist5
Summary: A couple of short stories I thought up about The Young Ones some of which involve my oc Kelsie (the new "5th" roommate).





	1. The 5th Roomate

It had been a few days since recovering from the bus incident luckily Mike was able to get enough money for the boys to continue living in their Bristol student house  
They were given news that there would be a new roommate living with them.

Her name was Kelsie, the 5th roommate she was a drama student and she was new to scumbag college  
She entered, she put her belongings in her room and was quiet  
She had a jacket, band shirt, choker, shorts, leggings and boots on

Mike, Vyvyan, Rick, and Neil were confused but fascinated  
Unlike other birds, they had previously seen this Kelsie girl didn't talk much outside of mumbling and sarcasm

  
Rick decided to talk to her while he was studying  
Kelsie got out her notebook and started writing

Rick peeked over at what Kelsie was writing about 

“So what’s the drama course like?”

Kelsie shrugged

“It’s alright I guess what do you study?”

Rick said,“Sociology and Domestic Sciences”

From the living room, Neil overheard saying “Domestic sciences maybe you should help me with the cooking sometimes”

  
“Shut up Neil” Rick answered back

  
Kelsie finished writing and watched TV  ignoring him

when she went to the sink to put her dishes away she saw Vyvyan sitting on the counter drinking tea

Kelsie complimented his t-shirt

“Oh Rush that’s a great band”

  
“I know what bands do you like?”

 

Kelsie answered

“I love Blondie, Iron Maiden, Sex Pistols, Simple Plan and various other bands”

Vyvyan said,

  
“Good taste, I don’t know what Simple Plan is though”

 

Kelsie asked 

“What do you study?”

 

Vyvyan said,

“Medicine I’m going to be a doctor if I can be if not I’ll be a surgeon”

Kelsie joked  
“So you like playing with people’s bodies”

  
Vyvyan laughed

“Yes, with all these new diseases people need someone to help them and considering the bastards in charge of the health system no wonder people are dropping like flies”

Vyvyan chuckled again sipping his tea

“You know that bastard rick?”,he once tried to down laxatives and goes on and on about starting a revolution but never actually goes through with it"

 I see Kelsie answered 

 Vyvyan said,

"I mean he's alright sometimes but other times he does my head in so we fight a lot"

 

"perfectly understandable" Kelsie responded 

 

Later after realizing not much was on television that night they went to bed 


	2. Distracting Mr Balowski

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr Balowski is about to annoy the boys once again but will their new roomate be able to distract him?

It was like any other day for four college students Vyvyan was watching television, Rick was reading & Neil was doing some coursework while Mike was busy doing "Business" on the other sofa in the room the newest member the 5th roommate of the Young Ones was relaxing until there was a knock on the door... It was Mr. Balowski what sort of scheme was he planning next?

the house had just gotten cleaned after all the time warps and if Mr.Balowski was going to do anything that would make Lazy Vyvyan and Rick get off their asses to have to deal with that would be an ant being a molehill.

Vyvyan sighed at the doorbell ringing "Oh No"

Rick said

"Wait I've got an idea"

Kelsie yawned on the sofa with her headphones on

when Rick suddenly ran over to her "hey Kelsey you're studying Drama right?"

Kelsie nodded

"Yeah?"

Rick made a suggestion

"how about you try to distract Mr. Balowski"

Kelsie didn't know who he was talking about

"Uh, whos' Mr. Balowski?"

Vyvyan answered

"The most annoying bastard in the world second to Rick"

which Rick glared at 

Kelsie sighed

"I'll see what I can do"

Kelsie then answered the door looking stoic

"Hello what are you selling"

Mr. Balowski explained

"Yes, I'm looking for Mr.Rick, Mr. Vyvyan, Mr.Mike, and Mr.Neil"

before he removed  his shades

"Oh, Oh my and who are you?"

Kelsie attempted to sound like a generic sexy anime girl

"Oh, It's". she flipped her hair seductively Kelsie"

Mr. Balowski realized

"I might have the wrong address" 

Kelsie said

"you know I love guys with Russian accents"

Mr. Balowski blushed

"Oh my "

Kelsie asked holding her phone out 

"you want me to show you this band I like My Bloody Sunday Valentine?"

Mr. Balowski was turned off and disgusted

"erm no thanks have a good day"

Mr Balowski had ran off 

Kelsie cringed

"Oh my that line made me cringe it sounded so wrong"

Rick grinned

"brilliant  at least you got rid of him now we know the best way to stop him is to gross him out"

 


	3. Looking for SPG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vyvyan can't find his Glaswegian hamster SPG so he tries to think of a plan to get him back

Vyvyan had lost SPG so he was looking around the house for him

"SPG SPG SPG!!!!!!!!!! Where are you" he yelled 

 

Neil was confused as to why Vyvyan was repeating himself

"why are you saying the same thing over and over again?"

 

 Vyvyan shouted

"It's SPG he's gone missing"

 

Neil shrugged so he could get something out of the fridge

"Oh well, I'll be using some food for class and?

 

Vyvyan suddenly got an idea

"I know I'll get some hamster food and bait surely he'll arrive when sees it"

 

so Vyvyan got some hamster food and poured it all over Rick who was having a nap on the sofa

to get SPG's attention

 

SPG crawled out of a hole noticing the bait

"I see something"

 

Kelsie was also resting next to Rick 

 

"I see a sweet looking lass"

SPG walked along Kelsie and then started to jump and crawl all over Rick 

 

Rick trembled unamused 

 "Ah! something's biting me get it off get it off VYVYAN WHAT PRANK DID YOU PULL THIS TIME?"

 

Vyvyan smirked as he had found his hamster

"I didn't pull a prank I was just looking for SPG"

 

Rick scoffed and whined,

"oh your filthy hamster that explains why I smell like onion sandwiches"

 

Vyvyan explained,

 "I needed bait and I knew you'd be the perfect test subject"

 


	4. The Reveal (Rick)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelsie (their new roomate) has been hiding their gender identity for quite sometime and they decide to come out to Rick the person that they thinks will understand

It was around dinner time and Kelsie hadn't joined usually kelsie would just chill in her room but this time was longer than before Rick snuck upstairs to see what was the holdup  

he saw Kelsie looking in the mirror of her wardrobe trying to press in her breasts making it looks like she didn't have them 

Rick was puzzled by this he had also overheard Kelsie punch a mirror mumbling about how she felt about her gender identity so he observed until he saw Kelsie's eyes turning indicating that she had seen him notice.

Rick asked

"What are you doing"

Kelsie answered

"You must promise not to tell a soul"

Rick nodded making mime like hand gestures

"Cross my heart, not to die, punch a facist in the eye". "Vyvyan and Neil know enough about me to make me the next celebrity my secrets might be around but I'll keep yours safe and sound"

Kelsie rolled her eyes 

"was that another hiaku of yours?"

Rick shrugged it off

"anyways what is this horrible and private secret you want to tell me?"

Kelsie confessed 

"I-I may be biologically female but I feel more like a male and sometimes I just feel like nothing ever since I was little I would identify with boys most of the time"

Rick said

"Oh well that's not bad I feel nothing all the time, the world's existence is nothing"

Kelsie tried to explain

"What I mean is I want to be seen as a boy more than a girl sometimes it's hard having to deal with forced expectations and all the pressure"

Rick processed the information, taking the information in a serious understanding way as he also got  personal in his response

"I understand as someone who is androgynous I understand that gender roles are stupid I'm in a similar boat I'm biologically male but I'm non binary those feelings are normal society might say your not ladylike or that you don't fit their standards  who cares what society thinks I think you should be what you want to be and if that involves you sometimes being one of us boys then I have no problem with that"

Kelsie felt accepted as she sniffled a bit "Thank you, Rick, living with mainly some conservative brothers I would always feel different compared to the other girls it's great that I have a roommate who feels the same I accept you 

they then held each other in an embrace 

only for Vyvyan and Neil to walk in 

Neil said "Rick's a transvestite"

Rick was offended at them ruining such an emotional moment 

"STOP BRINGING THAT UP!"

Vyvyan joked

"is that why you have girly pigtails in your hair?"

Rick whined

"OF COURSE NOT beside it's in fashion now for men to have more femmine hairstyles"

Kelsie smirked at him 

"so you won't be offended by the poof comments?"

Rick was still glaring at Vyv and neil but he smiled when addressing Kelsie

"Not particularly but I want all men to love each other like brothers men like you"

Vyvyan laughed while he started a slapstick fight with Rick

"HA Rick's still a poof"

Rick screamed fighting back 

"AM NOT"

Neil asked

"So you're Gay"

Rick ranted

"NO, I just wish males were more friendly towards each other!"

Neil moaned

"Gay also means happy"

Rick kept shouting

"When am I ever Happy?"

Vyvyan smirked

"then why did you smile at kelsey and not at us?"

( while kelsey just watched tv ignoring the others they were blushing.)

 


	5. The Reveal (Vyvyan)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After what happened earlier Vyvyan decides to go to a Rock festival with Kelsie which he unexpectedly enjoyed (both the music and the cuddling)

 

Vyvyan announced

"I've got tickets to a punk festival who wants to join me?"

Kelsie decided to join him

(At the concert)

Vyvyan and Kelsey were sitting on a picnic rug eating mozzarella sticks, hot dogs, and junk food while enjoying the music

Vyvyan felt like maybe he could make a move while he had the chance so he put his hand round, Kelsie, while she was busy bobbing her head along to the musical screeching she found the cuddle to be quite comfortable 

Usually Vyvyan was the tough type who was rowdy, loud and tough but on the inside, he had a soft spot for women and platonic emotional connection he would never tell any of the housemates that except for that one time he accidentally joked/blurted out to Rick one time that he fancied him Rick was the poof not him.

It was a fun concert but the fuzzy feeling he had in his heart made the concert more enjoyable than it was planned to be

then the band Against Me! performed onstage

Kelsie awoke from her Nap "is that Laura Jane Grace?"

Vyvyan nodded as he ate from his crisp packet

halfway through the performance, Kelsie asked: "Do you like Against Me?"

Vyvyan yelled

"Of Course I bloody love them one of my favorite punk bands of all time"

Kelsie lowered her voice 

"Vyv can I tell you something?"

Vyvyan said

"What? you're going to have to yell It's a bit hard to hear you 

Kelsie made her voice louder

"It's something personal Vyv"

Vyvyan answered

"alright whisper it then"

Kelsie explained 

"Vyvyan sometimes I feel like a bloke sometimes I know I'm biologically a female but I don't feel like one I like the idea of transitioning but I want to wait for a while first because of the risks involved

am I a bloke or am I a woman?

Vyvyan understood

"I know that feeling all too well Kelsie, a few years ago I myself started my transition from a woman to a bloke it was a rocky road but worth it, in the end, I'll give you advice sod what people think whether your a bloke a woman or anything in between your still Kelsie and that's what matters"

Kelsie smiled as he and Vyv headbanged to the song being performed only for Vyvyan to hold Kelsie's hand before they cuddled 

 


	6. We are all Mad here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the authors ideas on the backstories of the characters (including Kelsie)

Neil wasn't just a hippy he was a trustafarian while he loved learning about different cultures and saving the planet he came from a very posh high-class family but there is a reason for his self-deprecation because he was so different compared to his family he felt like an outcast so much so he questioned whether or not he was needed at all he eventually just stopped caring about himself altogether.

He became what was known as a flower child he had a connection to nature that others in his family didn't while he hated society he loved the theory of the world's existence whether it meant the many flowers in his families garden or the amazing animals he would find at the zoo.

He learned about Buddhism and he decided to study peace studies at university and made a friend there at Scumbag college he met 3 other misfits, even though he thinks they don't care about him they do they have a soft heart on the inside.

Vyvyan was a troubled child his mom was a shoplifting bartender who cared more about drinking, smoking & stealing than caring for her daughter turned son, she and Vyvyan would sometimes fight and because of her behavior Vyvyan had trouble fitting in as a child other kids were scared of him, authority challenged and broke him mentally he was a rough kid often mistaken for a bully when really he just wanted friends but his own bullies made him bite back making his behaviour violent at times when he didn't want to be.

His dad was ok for a short time he was in his life but  his mom divorced and due to his dad's busy work schedule they rarely spoke however... he did introduce Vyvyan to the Metal scene due to enjoying many horror movies and comics that involved different creatures and scientific experiments that gave Vyvyan the idea to study medicine while he hated society he also hated how diseases like "AIDS" and "Cancer" had the ability to kill so many people.

The reason why he acts strangely is because of how he was raised, he didn't know any better and was mostly raised on television,comic books and the working class neighborhood he lived in that and other than his metalhead buddies at scumbag college he didn't really have any friends to mess with or joke around with or share his video games with he hides it with the anger problems he has but deep down he does care.

Mike's dad was an Italian immigrant who would often bring girls home to pleasure  Mike had a happy childhood but he knew the government and society were crumbling by the time Margaret Thatcher became prime minister he inherited his flirting skills from his papa, he was close to his dad but he had no idea what happened to his mother not that he cares anyway.

Rick was an outcast despite being raised conservative he leaned more left when Margaret Thatcher was in office Rick would cringe internally when he'd hear what her next scheme was going to be on the news he didn't feel like other guys  they were all about sports, getting girls and being tough while he was more interested in changing the world, the arts and fashion he often would write poetry when feeling down so he used that to his advantage.

However his parents didn't really approve of some of his choices and would often take their anger out on him Rick didn't have many friends despite trying to join various groups at school giving up but having developed an ego due to his good grades to hide the fact he was hating life he made jokes but not many people would find those jokes funny he thought he was entertaining the audience when really he was annoying them.

He went on to study sociology at school he also read up about socialism and anarchism and felt like starting a rebellion (in his head).

He genuinely is a weak coward and he knows it but he hates that fact too so he distracts himself often whether it be with poetry, mind games or just failing to get back at Vyvyan for 80th prank he pulled on him that week he may get irritated by Vyvyan and Neil's shenanigans but they are the only friends he has...well until Kelsie came along.

Kelsie never really fitted in at school she used to think she could entertain people like Rick but after getting bullied by kids younger than her  she stopped that idea she was interested in fantasy and witchcraft but then a rumour was spread around the school saying Kelsie was possessed and worshiped the devil she did not want her brothers to find out about her religious beliefs.

After doing research Kelsie became an anarchist she was often used as a scapegoat and felt socially awkward often sometimes tilting her head randomly or occasionally stuttering due to a development disorder she has but never mentions. She had a confusing personality trying to be kind but as times passed became more stoic and emotionless due to trust issues via the internet she delved into escapism through tv, music, anime and various other media based outlets.

She moved to scumbag college and ended up in the same student house as Neil, Vyvyan, Rick and Mike she felt more accepted there and every day was a day of laughter, randomness and unexpected hijinks after joining Kelsie started working on her social skills and wasn't as shy as before.

(despite Kelsie being the same Kelsie from the Matzelberger stories since this is in a more human universe her backstory is slightly more like "Kelsey" (the author) than Kelsie (the OC).


	7. Why am I screaming why can't I stop?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelsie has a unexpected panic attack,luckily the boys try to help her

(Note: this particular scenario was based off a real-life event that happened to me but that didn't end as well as this scenario did)

Sometimes your mind plays tricks on you and sometimes you are your own worst enemy 

Kelsie had planned to spend the Saturday afternoon relaxing, However, that didn't go as planned she didn't feel well but not in an "I have a cold way" in an "I'm shaking and shivering and I can't stop while uncontrollably crying" way.

Kelsie tried distracting herself with music but something odd was happening 

her hands felt shivery, her stomach was continuously feeling warm and sweaty

then Kelsie started to howl  as she held her throat lightly it felt warm, dry and she was drowsy a little faint 

Kelsey's mouth felt like it was blocked by something feeling like she wanted to choke

her body was heating up like an oven and her mind was giving her a feeling of terror and fear 

this caught the attention of a certain spotty faced anarchist as he ran down the stairs wondering where the screaming was coming from 

"Kelsie?  a-are you alright?" he said concerned

Kelsie shook her head "No Rick I feel like I'm having a panic attack" Kelsie burst into tears "why can't I stop crying I was fine earlier?". "make it stop make it stop WHY CAN'T I STOP??"

Rick tried to understand what was going on as he ran over to the sofa 

"Oh dear"

he tried to reassure Kelsie

"it's ok I'm here um how many breaths can you take?"

Kelsie started to attempt some breaths 

Rick nodded

"that's good"

before Rick pondered

"As much as I don't want to ask Vyvyan for help I'll probably have to he is a medical student so he'd know more about handling these situations than I do"

"Stay on that sofa Kelsie  I just need to go and get something I'll be right back," he said before running upstairs past the hallway into Vyvyan's pigsty of a bedroom 

"VYVYAN!!!!" he yelled

Vyvyan yelled back

"what do you want?"

Rick asked

"Do you have any books about Panic Attacks?"

Vyvyan complained

"what would you need my bloody textbooks for???"

Rick explained

"it's Kelsie she's had a panic attack"

Vyvyan understood

"Oh... have you made her breathe in and out?"

Rick nodded

"Yes her breathing is normal but she's been sweating, shivering and feeling drowsy"

Vyvyan answered

"Right I'll see what I can do"

Vyvyan and Rick ran downstairs where Kelsie was sitting her legs felt weak shaking like a jellyfish

Rick said

"Kelsie! Vyvyan's here I think he might know how to help"

Vyvyan then got a cold washcloth and lightly rested it against Kelsey's face, Neil was told about the situation so he prepared a tea with two sugars and some milk.

Kelsie was eventually able to settle as she laid snug in a blanket as she watched some tv with Rick and Vyvyan Kelsie got better in the past when she would have panic attacks she would've either hid the fact she was having one or she was left to deal with it herself at least now she had Vyvyan, Rick, Neil and sometimes Mike she wasn't alone.

The Young Ones may be a boisterous bunch but they are a soft bunch as much as they don't like to admit it sometimes.


	8. Cuddles are for Poofs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a Stormy night resulting in power outages and a certain punk showing a weakness of his

It was like any other evening at Scumbag College as the storm crackled in the dark dim sky.

Mike was upstairs with some bird he somehow managed to get with 

struggling to find food in the kitchen was the grubby self-deprecating Hippie Neil scavenging the fridge for leftovers as he rarely used the oven even if he did that would be dangerous considering the appalling weather.

Trying to ignore the noise was Rick in his room listening to some Dexy's Midnight Runners before the radio paused to static.

Kelsie was sitting at the table doing some coursework on the other side of the room Vyvyan was playing a video game.

Up in Rick's room when the radio and lights turned off it gave Rick a surprise.

"Oh Well that's just bloody great isn't it because of Thatcher and Republican oil deals it's been messing with the weather which is preventing me from enjoying some pop music stupid fascists they'll stomp on anyone's fun"

with a bored shrug, Rick reluctantly went downstairs to see what the rest of the flatmates were up to.

Rick ran down the damp steps when he heard a groan coming from Kelsey trying to practice some play dialogue for their coursework.

"Ugh I can't do it the words are coming out but my tone just doesn't fit the scenario and I just can't seem to smile today IT'S ALWAYS A FAKE ONE!"

"Now Kelsey I'm sure you can do it I fake a smile all the time what emotion is your character supposed to show?" replied Rick in a soft sounding tone while a stoic stubborn Kelsey answered coldly with

"Happiness"

Oh well, how do you feel when you are with me, Vyvyan, Mike, and Neil when you have to put up with all their nonsense and feel so eccentric your skin crawls?"

Kelsey took a bite into her Dorito before saying in a more neutral, calm laid back sort of way "I don't mind it actually It's quite a funny feeling like I  belong with you guys seeing what odd scheme Mike's planning or what concoction Vyvyan is preparing is a thrill to my day".

Rick was taken aback but it made him grin a little except it wasn't out of arrogance like it usually was. 

clapping his hands together he said, "See? you can be happy sometimes when you are playing your southern belle stereotype just think that some of us are there with you sure you'll be able to steal the show!"

"Thanks" mumbled Kelsey sounding timid under her duffle coat while she proceeded to pack up her scripts and file folders into her bag placing it next to other bags under the staircase.

The Thunder had turned into lighting as the bolts struck the sky with a loud "CRACK".

Kelsey and Rick joined Vyvyan on the sofa while Vyvyan ignored them to focus on his game swiftly fidgeting the buttons on his controller staring at the blinding television screen despite how bleak the room had become.

Mike was trying to shag a gorgeous woman he was with....when the lights went out 

He couldn't see a thing not even the irresistible looking woman sitting before him clad in only underwear.

 As she tried to get to the next base, Mike was still puzzled he knew he was in his room but he didn't have a clue that he was supposed to be laid tonight suddenly he felt several sharp pricks at various regions of his body he fell backward feeling idiosyncratic as he left the room. After he had seen some light he noticed the lady had dug her painful fingernails into particular areas of his body Mike was usually the calm, collected flatmate of the group but not this time.

he yelped "ahh!" as he dashed downstairs clambering onto the sofa before shutting up

the final crack of lightening hit the power supply when Neil came running to the back of the sofa blocking Vyvyan's view while he completed the game Vyvyan was confused since the words "GAME OVER" are usually displayed when you die in a video game

it terrified him to notice his surroundings seeing the four other people taking up his space 

the little hot headed metal head punk had enough as he screamed 

screaming louder than the sound barrier making the electricity work again like magic 

"Whoah! that was heavy like heavier than Thor's hammer" exclaimed Neil in wonder at what had just happened

Vyvyan shuddered feeling quiet a feeling he would only really show during classes or when sleeping

h-hold me he meekly said under his breath like if his voice colliding with the Thunder was too much for him

almost like he was scared though he would never ever admit to being scared of anything 

Vyvyan? asked Rick concerned that his normally loud psychotic rival was acting like more of a "poof" than he was 

"There there," said, Mike, as he rubbed calming circles on Vyvyan's back Kelsey lightly rested his head on Vyvyan's shoulder and Rick gave Vyvyan a gentle cuddle startling him slightly 

"You Poof what are you doing?" 

"I'm cheering you up matey you were scared of the thunder weren't you that's a bit soft ain't it?"

Vyvyan hated that his weakness was revealed sobbing a little not being able to think of any insults to get back at rick with 

"Cuddles are alright even if they are for poofs" Vyvyan answered calming down before an irritated Rick started arguing with him making the punk smirk as the sun started to come out starting the beginning of another day.


	9. Apolitical Anarchy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Kelsie babble about poltiics

Kelsie and Rick were protesting 

Kelsie held a megaphone as she said

"Teresa May is trying to turn Britain into an authoritarian government 

Rick said "Teresa's bloody Britain that's what I say"

 Later a news crew who were recording people who were voting recorded their protest.

the News Reporter asked, "are you voting for labour or the tories?"

Rick proudly stood on his soapbox

"None of the above"

the News Reporter added what about Ukip?

Kelsie said "they are a bunch of fascists" 

(later)

Rick innocently asked, "What is Northern Ireland's political spectrum like?"

Kelsie blankly stared "it's crap"

 

 


	10. Crossovers (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Vyvyan notice a familar looking couple (Richie and Eddie) outside fighting kinda like how they would

Rick and Vyvyan were walking through the park when they passed Richie and Eddie who were in the middle of an argument 

Richie yelled

"Eddie why do you call me a poof sometimes yet you have some very gender confused friends"

Eddie said

"Richie you are a bastard for saying that I don't care if the bird has a knob I'd still shag it"

Richie yelled back

"Fair enough for you to say EDWARD ELIZABETH HITLER"

Richie and Eddie started to fight which Vyvyan and Rick tried to ignore

Rick made a gesture remarking

"Glad we won't grow up to be like that"

Vyvyan joked

"says the girly poof with anger problems"

Rick was offended by the comment

"STOP SAYING THAT how would you even know I haven't even come out yet"

Vyvyan remembered

"Neil once found a dress in your bedroom cupboard"

Rick tried to make an excuse

"he was the one wearing the dress though"

Vyvyan knew the excuse was pointless

"The dress had your name on it, Neil's a boring hippie he at least has an excuse"

Rick then remembered something

"wait?"

Vyvyan listened to what Rick had remembered

Rick recounted the memory

"Didn't you once say you fancied me, wanted to be my gimp and kiss me on the bottom while attacking my spine with a pickaxe"

Vyvyan realized what the memory was and tried to deny it 

"Nah you must be hearing things"

Rick got distracted

"What I was hearing was the sweet sweet sounds of Cliff Richard"

Vyvyan cringed


	11. Vyvyan the Chauffer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vyvyan helps ride Rick and Kelsie to class while dealing with traffic

It was time for another day at uni....but the trains were late

Kelsie was waiting by the platform she decided to not bother getting the ticket she'd be late anyway

so she decided to phone Vyvyan

"Hey, Vyv can you give me a ride?"

Vyvyan shrugged

"I don't see why not"

Vyvyan got in his car with Rick tagging along 

they arrived at the train station and then went onto the road towards scumbag college

there was traffic 

 

Vyvyan was unhappy

"Get out of the way you Bastards"

while Rick flicked obscene gestures through the window 

Vyvyan then had an idea 

he put on one of his cd's and turned the volume so loud the other cars moved to let him through

later on, the highway coming up to Scumbag university's car park was an anarchist, metalhead punk and Kelsie happily smirking while HIGHWAY TO HELL was blasted on the car radio speakers


	12. Crossovers (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vyvyan,Rick and Kelsie come across Richie and Catflap while out shopping.

Rick, Vyvyan, and Kelsie were out shopping but former showbiz star Richie Rich and his minder Edward Catflap were there too

Richie looked at the shelves seeing the same cruises he saw before 

"oh dear more useless sales of packaged corn snack cancer"

Rick was right next to him 

"Cancer? oh don't make me laugh I live in a flat where we had a bomb, ran a bus off a cliff and put a hippie in the fridge"

Richie could tell Rick was middle class so he gasped 

"ew plebs as much as I don't want to I will try to socialize with you as you'd probably want my autograph"

Rick noticed he and Richie looked familiar  

"Poser you have the exact same hair, nose, eyes, and suit as I do"

Richie wondered

"do we have the same plastic surgeon?"

Rick made a bad atheism pun

"I guess God could count as that considering all the mistakes he's made"

Richie joked

"we all make mistakes mine have I thought my agent was professional when really he was a pimp"

(Meanwhile, over on the continent isle Kelsie and Vyvyan were browsing while Catflap was looking at the frozen section 

 

"Oh a sale on oven baked chips my favorite"

Catflap exclaimed putting the chips in his shopping trolley

while Kelsie and Vyvyan went round to supermarket cafe

Kelsie made a Spongebob reference

"Vyvyan isn't mayonnaise an instrument?"

Vyvyan didn't get the reference but still answered the question

"if it is I haven't played but I could try"

Kelsie tried to explain but ended up making a bad pun about innuendo

"I meant because technically it's a food instrument that happens to be...white and goey?" and oops I'm sounding creepy aren't I?

Vyvyan laughed it off

"Ha! you're Pervy like rick is but yeah I guess it's an instrument that you play on a sandwich until it's very tasty"

Kelsie took a big bite out of her sandwich

"I like obliterating sandwiches"

Vyvyan continued the theme of bad puns

"like I'd obliterate you"

Catflap joked 

"Oh her that's a bit rude"

Richie sitting next to Catflap noticed another similarity between Catflap and Vyvyan 

"somethings fishy around here and it's definitely not my odor"

they stared at each other 

only for Kelsie to say 

"I see you like chips too"


	13. Crossovers (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a original character from the Kelsie's past the austrian Richard Edelstein pays a visit and apparently he knows Neil but what else is he hiding?

Kelsey already existed in another universe living with some people called Hyung,Richard,Wolf,Adrian etc.  (my other oc's for those wondering)

but she later moved away after some of them moved away she later moved to a 80s/2010s hyprid universe and went to Scumbag college 

 

the doorbell went and Kelsie answered 

the person behind the door was an androgynous looking austrian man dressed head to tie in traditional Goth attire 

Richard greeted

"Hallo Kelsie it's been a while how's this new universe going for you?"

Kelsie responded

"it's going well rich thanks for asking have you gotten over Hyung leaving you"

Richard laughed the break up mention off

"ahaha nein"

However, Rick, Vyvyan, Mike, and Neil were confused 

Richard introduced himself to them

"I should introduce myself I'm Richard Edelstein I'm one of Kelsie's old roomates I am not a regular human like you I'm part demon"

 

Neil mumbled "Facist"

Richard recognized Neil

"ah! my hippie mutual"

Neil asked 

"you remember me?"

Richard remembered

"yes during my rights movements days during the 70s"

(flashback)

a crowd of people are fighting richard*

the crowd were yelling slurs at him 

Richard felt uncomfortable

"please would you leave me alone" he screamed before coughing from doing a blunt earlier

Neil was a young activist back then who happened to be there 

"Facists leave the goth flower child alone"

(flashback ends)

Neil remembered the event Richard had recollected 

"Oh yeah that was pretty heavy"

Rick was curious as to how Kelsie knew Richard

"so Kelsie how do you know this Richard person?"

Kelsie explained

"I used to live with him in another universe he was a creation of my secondary school self"

Rick scoffed

"So he's your imaginary friend if he's so imaginary how come we can see him"

Richard laughed it off

"I'm not a ghost I'm a demon that and in part of my past I started getting into the alternative scene around here when I reunited with an old friend"

Mike held his hands up 

"A Demon Oh No!"

Rick then decided that he thought Richard was one of the Doctor Who's

"Richard's another Doctor Who isn't he but why would a demon arrive here?"

Vyvyan finally said something

"Rick I knew you were a stupid bastard but not this stupid and Neil you're surprised a demon has payed us a visit  we ran a bus over a cliff and once ended up in the medieval times so since he's going through all the effort we should make him feel welcome... so?"

Vyvyan kneeled down "Do I ever get with any birds?"

Richard smirked

"wouldn't know Vyvyan I can't tell the future"

Vyvyan asked a question

"Living in other universes sounds fun how many years did you live in the "other world"?

Kelsie simply said 

"Two years

Rick joked

"Ah! I knew there was a logical explanation Kelsey just has an active imagination"

Kelsie said,

"So you're imaginary then?"

Rick shrugged before pretending to be a robot

"I guess so do I exist? what am I?"

Vyvyan then pulled Ricks pigtails

"Oi!"

Vyvyan smirked

"did that hurt?"

Rick resisted 

"Yes very much so"

Vyvyan said

"then you're a pathetic human being like the rest of us"


	14. Crossovers (Part 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More oc's from Kelsie's past such as the Professor, A clone of Richard and a cybrog called Adrian show up and apprantly Adrian is taking a liking to Vyvyan will Vyvyan learn Adrian's a crossdresser?

More OC's from Kelsie's old universe decided to visit bristol including Adrian a cyborg into social justice and The Professor a clone of Richard 

Adrian gave out instructions to the Professor 

"I am going to punch you"

The Professor dropped his jaw moving his head sideways confused

"so are you going to punch me or am I going to punch you?"

Adrian said,

"No, I’m going to punch you"

The Professor joked

"When do you not punch me?"

Adrian facepalmed 

"Ok Now I’m going to punch you"

The Professor asked why 

Adrian explained pointing to Vyvyan who was standing nearby having a smoke 

"so I can get the attention of that hot guy over there" 

The Professor understood "OH"

Adrian started the plan

"so now I want you to rile me up to think of the most offensive thing you could say to me"

"I’m basically asking you to offend me"

The Professor said

"Uh, there’s only two genders and three sexualities?"

Adrian spat "too easy"

The Professor said

"Cultural Appropriation is real?"

Adrian raised his eyebrows

"you kidding me?"

The Professor said

"Donald Trump is ok"

Adrian smirked

"you can do better than that"

The Professor eventually thought of something good

The Professor held his hand in a fingergun gesture "Brexit is amazing and so are the tories"

Adrian was enraged

"OK, YOU ASKED FOR IT!"

he then beat up the Professor abandoning him by a trash can 

Adrian acted like nothing happened as he walked over to Vyvyan

"Oh Hallo I didn’t see you there don’t mind that pile of garbage over there I’m Adrian and you are?"

Vyvyan said his name then Adrian asked for his surname

"Oh, Vyvyan what a nice name what about your surename?"

Vyvyan greeted

"The name’s Vyvyan Basterd it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance"

Adrian did the same "I’m Adrian, Adrian Matzelberger"

Adrian asked

"could you tell me a bit about yourself?"

Vyvyan attempted a conversation

"Well um I attend Scumbag University and I’m studying medicine"

Adrian was interested

"Oh so you’re a college student and you want to be a doctor nice...so? would you like me to visit your place?"

Vyvyan gave directions 

"I just live in that small house in the neighborhood across from here". "I don’t see why not" he shrugged

(Later)

The professor was sitting near a garbage bin unhappy

"hello guys Adrian? I am a Professor and I should not be sitting here near the garbage hello?"

Neil rode by in his white bicycle "Oh Hello there"

The Professor said,

"Hallo I was kinda fighting with someone I ended up near the garbage"

Neil offered

Oh well, I can take you home what’s your name?"

The Professor introduced himself

"I am the Professor Richard 101010101 but I prefer to be called the Professor"

Neil asked

"what do you teach?"

The Professor raised an eyebrow

"I am not that type of professor I am more the type who deals with chemicals and such"

(Later)

Vyvyan opened the door happily

"Guess what? I was the one who got a bird this time"

Adrian being a cross-dressing man felt a bit embarrassed

"uh well actually"

Adrian’s conscience said

" just admit that you are a man and not a woman"

Adrian was just about to say "I, only to be cut off by the Professor

The Professor arrived mocking Adrian as revenge for leaving him by the garbage 

"Adrian’s a trap Adrian is a trap you just brought home a trap"

Adrian beat The Professor up again 

The Professor now had a nosebleed "Ouch" he mumbled

Vyvyan was confused

"wait so you’re male?"

Adrian said

"Ja as much as I yearn to be a woman I was made to be a man I’m sorry for lying to you"

Vyvyan said

"Lying to me? who cares if you have a knob or not you’re still a hot bird in my opinion"

Adrian answered

"danke Vyvyan"

Kelsie walked out of her room "Adrian! Professor! What are you doing here?"

Adrian said

"I found out I  ended up here so I could flirt with this metalhead Vyvyan dude"

Kelsie was still confused

"No, I mean why are you here in this universe?"

meanwhile, Rick was getting jealous 

"Well that’s just great isn’t it Vyvyan gets a bird and Neil gets a bird Where’s my chance to get lucky"

 while Neil helped the Professor with his nosebleed


	15. Losing Another Bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Vyvyan have been fighting again at a challenge of who will see who's bottom first,Rick loses the bet but what punishment awaits him and will Kelsie be able to hide their laughter when seeing him be humiliated.

There had been another challenge of pranking between Vyvyan and Rick 

Rick yelled

"Vyvyan why do you call me a poof"

Vyvyan simply said

"Because you are one"

Rick insisted

"but I'm straight like you and Neil and Mike and Kelsie"

Kelsie made a sarcastic remark

"Excuse me you once said you wanted all men to love each other like brothers"

Rick was stumped at what to say next "Well um"

Neil intervened "and Vyvyan spends the most time with you even though you hate each other"

Vyvyan shouted "Neil are you implying that I'm a poof too"

Neil said "No No but I was just saying"

Rick was being a prick as usual

"YEAH and you seem to be quite the sadist considering all the times you torture me"

Vyvyan was trying to think a comeback

"IT'S ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE A COMPLETE BASTARD WHO LIKES TOUCHING KNOBS"

Rick was offended

"I DO NOT how about instead of talking about who is gay or not what about who is or isn't a virgin?"

All of the then decided to dodge the virgin question

"yeah let's not talk about that"

Kelsie joined in on taking the piss out of Rick game

"Didn't you say you fancied him once and didn't rick's bottom catch fire isn't that a form of BDSM"

Rick was embarrassed by that

"Of course not I'm not a pervy w-what about when Vyvyan said he'd kiss me on the bottom"

Vyvyan was enraged

"I BEG YOUR PARDON  if you want me to see your bottom so much show me"

Rick shouted "Not if I see your bottom first" as he started tackling and chasing Vyvyan 

Kelsie rolled her eyes "Well this is going to end well isn't it"

Neil put on some music sitting next to Kelsie who was trying not to be entertained by the fight

Vyvyan then pulled his leg out casually for Rick to fall over by now Vyvyan had gotten bored

Rick shouted, "VYVYAN THIS ENDS HERE!"

Vyvyan said in a more calm tone

"You technically lost because you fight like a girl"

Rick said

"Well it won't be the first time I'd have seen a person's buttocks before"

Vyvyan misheard "Bollocks?"

Rick was still annoyed

Neil noticed Mike's absence "Where did Mike go?"

Kelsie shrugged "he's probably going to look for some birds again"

Neil didn't know the terminology "so he's into nature?"

Kelsie tried not to laugh so she could focus on the fight as a spectator

"wasn't Mike a president?" Kelsie casually said 

Vyvyan remembered that day fondly

"Oh yes that game where I was able to put a pause to Rick's monologue about his Cliff Richard wet dreams"

Rick scoffed

"Cliff is in his 70s now and I'm not on that side of the street"

Vyvyan said,

"With the president not here you have to do what I say"

Rick remembered another day the day he thought Vyvyan was pregnant and the day they almost died

"last time you wanted me to kill myself and we almost did die from that bus crash"

Vyvyan was still mildly annoyed that Rick wouldn't let the fight end even though he lost

"It was a figure of speech you bastard you couldn't see my bottom so I'm going to see yours"

Rick scoffed

"You're Stripping me that's a pretty poof thing to do"

Vyvyan said,

"Nah I'm just going to smack you since you agreed to the bet"

Kelsie felt weirdly more interested "Oh yes"

Neil overheard Kelsie's perverted moment "did you say something?"

Kelsie lied "what me? I didn't say anything"

Rick was already in the same position on the floor he was on the day of the Mike being a president roleplay 

so he just had to accept his fate 

Vyvyan held his bat 

"I've tried so hard to warn you about being too much of a bastard but you never listened"

Rick understood "I guess I can be a bit too cocky"

Vyvyan laughed

"Who's the Pervy now?  Vyvyan proceeded to smack Rick multiple times

Rick asked

"hehe~ could you be a bit more gentle and less hard Vyv?"

Vyvyan misheard

"More Genitalia what are you asking for more and less hard you mean soft like you?"

Rick stumbled over his words

"Yes wait no I mean yes"

Vyvyan stopped smacking Rick and put his bat down "Alright then" he said 

Kelsie scoffed

"Saying Vyvyan is soft would be a compliment though wouldn't it rick since you think he's mellow and sweet"

Rick was offended but knew Kelsie was telling the truth

"WHAT? well yes"

Kelsie spoke in a serious tone

"Do you mean it? do his words hurt you less than your own words do?"

Rick casually said, "That's a bit of a personal question but". he swallowed "yes"

Vyvyan had a light tone in his voice

"Awww so you were right about fancying me?"

Neil remembered what happened earlier

"Weren't you laughing during Rick's humiliation?"

Kelsie could no longer resist the laughter in between the chuckles she said "Nope"

Vyvyan laughed it off "That reminds me" before he gave Kelsie a small soft butt-slap

"You're a pervy too but honestly thanks for giving it a ending I may like messing with rick but that was getting boring "

Kelsie blushed "I know but it was entertaining too you got Rick to swallow his pride"

Vyvyan shrugged

"I guess speaking of which NEIL WHERE'S OUR SUPPER?"

Neil remembered about dinner

"Oh yeah I'll get right on that" as he frantically searched the kitchen for food

while Rick mumbled under his breath "Kelsie is a fascist"

Kelsie overheard the comment sarcastically shouting "I heard that"


	16. Prom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the college formal at Scumbag

This was their big night for birds it was a time to get boys and for boys, it was a time to become men and have fun

Neil was in the corner with his hippie classmates blowing a couple joints before getting the munchies by the snack bar

Vyvyan was trying to "chug" "chug" "chug" without hurling 

Mike just flirted with the lecturers 

and Kelsie arrived late because crowds make her anxious 

Kelsie lightly walked into the Gym hall while new wave music was playing in the background

ever since she was in primary school Kelsie hated Disco's and school dances, they lasted too long, the crowds were too much and half the time her music requests wouldn't be picked 

Kelsie just sat near the snack bar trying to binge as many salty snacks as she could while downing coke

what Kelsie didn't notice was that Rick had also arrived late

Rick felt ostracized compared to the other teen couples on the dance floor 

and Kelsie felt the same the couples were so happy genuinely and Kelsie just felt like she was just projecting happiness without it being genuine, maybe it was the feeling like she just tags along and just feeling confused about everything.

Waiting for her next "Carrie" moment despite how quiet she was to the others as  her hands shivered 

At the snack bar, Vyvyan had to move to a different part of the hall due to his spot being taken by several intoxicated teens and young adults that he wanted to choke on pixie dust 

the lights were dull and he noticed the Disk jockey station was empty Vyvyan ran over and played some of his music 

Rick just stood there folding his hands taking a couple cigarette breaks just feeling no emotion as he sighed feeling like the "bastard" he was always told that he was...

after a small cough was overheard and some salt was licked from a tired Kelsie's lips that made Rick put his cigarette away wandered to the bench where Kelsie was 

then suddenly like a cheesy 80s film the next song Vyvyan chose from his cd was "Take on Me" by A-ha

at that moment while Kelsie couldn't see in the dark, Rick took her hand making Kelsie stand up, none of them were dancers but they didn't care so they just flicked v's at despair 

Kelsie took Rick's hand and spun him around they traveled about the hall without a care at all

Kelsie noticed people were staring and hid while Rick tried his own mixed beverage (coke and sprite) and offered it 

as he ran to where Kelsie was in the hall as they continued to enjoy this delight

until Vyvyan blew a party whistle into Rick's ear and as soon as the next song came on he snatched Kelsie's hand

Kelsie didn't care Kelsie had salt in her system and moved about higher than a hare 

they moshed, they talked and made a couple vampire bites 

this prom surely made for a fun night


	17. Just a Lazy Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil doesn't feel like cooking so he orders take away resulting in fortune cookies what fortunes will the boys be given?

Neil didn't feel like making dinner

"you know what I don't feel like cooking lentils today"

Rick felt relieved

"thank goodness for that"

Vyvyan asked

"are we getting leftovers again?"

Neil moaned

"the shops are closed"

Vyvyan remembered

"Oh right"

Rick made a suggestion

"I've seen adverts for a service called Just Eat where you get foreign food takeaways straight to your doors"

Mike took the suggestion

"well that sounds convenient I'll call them" however Mike ended up flirting with the person luckily Vyvyan reminded him 

"Have you ordered our food yet? 

Mike remembered and ordered the food

(later) Rick, Vyvyan, Neil were eating and Mike had gone somewhere 

Vyvyan chowed down the food

Rick said "Well I'm stuffed"

Neil mumbled "I guess I should order this more often"

Rick noticed the absence of Kelsie 

"wait where's Kelsie?"

Neil mumbled "she's usually upstairs"

Rick said,

"I know that but why didn't she join us"

Neil said,

"Since when did you start caring about people so much?"

Rick whined

"Have you forgotten that I'm an Anarchist and Kelsie is my comrade" now he clapped  "Vyvyan go and find her please"

Vyvyan spat out a grain of rice

"WHY DO I HAVE TO DO IT?"

Rick made an excuse "because I have lots of coursework to do"

Neil whispered  "no you don't"

Rick mumbled "sshhhh"

(Vyvyan left the room)

Neil said,

"Rick you said you were stuffed"

Rick laughed it off

"that was just an excuse so I could eat the leftovers before he does"."I noticed some curry was left"

Rick was disgusted by the curry after tasting it

"I don't like curry, to be honest, umm Neil do you like curry?

Neil answered

"yes Rick I actually do"

Rick offered Neil the curry

"Oh well would you like some?"

Neil smiled and put the curry bowl on his side of the table

" I'd be delighted Rick" before he ate the curry

(meanwhile, Vyvyan was trying to get Kelsey out of her bed)

Vyvyan shouted

"Kelsie wake up"

Kelsie muttered while trying to look like she was sleeping

"what if all my work is meaningless and that I'm stuck in an endless void of nothing and that I don't have anything to be remembered by and that maybe I'm not meant for friendships"

 

Kelsie was zoned out 

Vyvyan said

"You leave me no choice" 

carrying Kelsie downstairs over his shoulder which took Kelsie by surprise

(Whereas Neil and Rick were talking amongst themselves while consuming some fortune cookies, Mike had gone wandering off somewhere and Vyvyan had to act as an alarm clock)

"NOW I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME KELSEY WOULD YOU WAKE UP!"

Kelsie was taken aback but was now awake

"what time is it?"

Vyvyan answered

"Time for us to shut up there's grub that needs eating and we aren't going to let two bastards take all the leftovers"

Kelsie nodded

"Food is good" 

They walked back downstairs to see Neil and Vyvyan opening fortunes out of fortune cookies

Neil said

"Oh Vyvyan you're back we were just opening the fortune cookies"

Vyvyan said

"Fortune Cookies? WHERE'S RICK'S PIECE?" snatching the cookie from Rick's hand

"Oi! I was going to finish that"

Vyvyan smirked sarcastically

"finish what? your existence"

Vyvyan read out the fortune

"You will die in a fire of your own ashes"

Rick whined "I'll take yours then" before grabbing Vyvyan's fortune but when he mumbled the fortune

"today you will meet the love of your life" he hid the fortune in his pocket 

blushing he laughed it off "Well I guess you're going to meet lots of birds aren't you"

Vyvyan grinned

"I should hope so"

Neil opened his fortune which read

"you will receive some happiness this month"

Rick complained, "Why did you have to get the good one?"

Vyvyan joked

"I don't know rick I think Satan letting you visit his spa sounds pretty relaxing to me"

Rick tried to think of a comeback

"Now that I think about it that would be a fun activity to do in the afterlife"

Neil noticed there's was someone who hadn't read their fortune yet 

 

Neil, Vyvyan, and Rick stared at Kelsie who hadn't said anything 

Kelsie laughed it off

"Well I'm sure Mike gets to see lots of birds too"

Neil said "he already opened his"

Kelsie's jaw dropped "Oh"

Rick said,

"and there's only one cookie left"

Kelsie mumbled

"Crap" before carefully opening the fortune

Kelsie whispered it to herself

"the people you live with will soon be the most important people in your life they are special to you and you are special to them"

Kelsie tried to make a fortune up

"um it says that you are all are dogs"

Neil said,

"I like dogs, especially puppies they aren't as heavy as regular dogs"

Rick scoffed

"Dogs are you kidding me?"

Vyvyan teased

"Ok Rick sit"

Rick said

How about you sit? you're the one wearing a collar"

Vyvyan rolled his eyes

"Are you trying to be kinky? you poof"

Kelsie shouted

"Ok that wasn't the real fortune the real fortune was that the people you live with will soon be the most important people of your life they are special to you and you are special to them"

"pretty daft am I right?" she laughed it off

Rick shook his head

"I don't think so"

Neil smiled

"I agree with Rick that's quite nice actually you were the one with the good fortune"

Kelsie complimented "You are great roommates not gonna lie"

Rick smiled

"you're a great roommate too" 

suddenly Pretty Vacant by The Sex Pistols could be overheard in the living room which Vyvyan was dancing to

Rick shouted "VYVYAN WOULD YOU TURN THAT DOWN"

Kelsie walked over and danced with him when the others joined in 

 


	18. Hamster Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Manuel has brought basil,JD has brought Slushie but will SPG participate in the hamster race?

What do JD from Heathers, Vyvyan from The Young Ones and Manuel from Fawlty Towers have in common?  
  
they all have hamsters and they should have a hamster race like that one SpongeBob episode  
  
JD cheered "Go Slushie you race on that wheel like your life depends on it"  
  
Manuel offered "Basil I have some food for you if you win the race you can have it"  
  
Vyvyan was out of breath from chasing SPG down the race track "SPG slow down I can't keep up"  
  
SPG insulted "like you have ever ran a mile in your life daft bastard"  
  
Vyvyan shouted

"Excuse me? I am not lazy now win me that medal so we can get free kebabs or not if that's ok with you"  
  
SPG teased "are you asking for a Glasgow kiss? ladie"  
  
Vyvyan shouted back

"of course not"

collapsing from exhaustion

when SPG was rubbing the medal in his face  Vyvyan had to urge to punch him but instead, he brought home free kebabs 


	19. Vyvyan cooks Instant Noodles?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelsie and Vyvyan are left alone so Vyvyan decides to cook lunch

Neil was in class, Rick was in class and Mike you guessed it was busy 

Kelsie and Vyvyan were hungry so Vyvyan cooked some noodles

Kelsie folded her arms "Vyvyan you are not cooking again"

Vyvyan smirked "Watch me" as he elegantly started to cook instant Noodles  
  
leaving separate bowls for both the noodles, soup and powder (rule 1: Boil water) (rule 2: eat a block of noodles) (rule 3: drink the broth) (rule 4: snort the powder) (rule 5: fuck bitches)  
  
overhears a loud pet from outside   
  
Flips the bird at the dog  
  
Kelsey ate the noodles "I'm a filthy weeb"  
Vyvyan said, "you know why I like noodles?"  
  
Kelsie said  "because?"  
  
Vyvyan explained "because unlike spaghetti it's not straight kinda like us"  
  
Kelsie pointed out "or the point of this scenario's existence the stories are never straight to the point"


	20. Fuck the ship Police

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vyvyan helps put Kelsie out of their misery.

Kelsie was reading an internet post that said "if you ship *insert harmless thing here* you should actually snap your own neck"

Kelsie commanded "ok Vyvyan could you do the honor?"

Vyvyan walked over and pinched her neck before tickling it   
  
Kelsie said, "Thank you at least you know how stupid ship disagreements are right?"  
  
Vyvyan said "I don't really care to be honest I was just bored"


	21. Paint it Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vyvyan again distracts Kelsie from negative vibes

Kelsie saw a bunch of cartoon people covered in primary colours showing colourful personalities while her cartoon self was grey and sad

Kelsie mumbled "I want my colour back"  
  
Vyvyan then appeared playing the guitar

"paint paint paint IT BLACK!"  
  
Kelsie shouted "I love that song!"


	22. Facist Friday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick Pratt and Alan B'stard from The New Statesman swap places

Beatles music was overheard 

Neil was confused "I don't recall Rick being a Beatles fan"  
Mike pointed out "He still has a big ego though"  
Vyvyan didn't see much change "and he's still an annoying bastard" getting his baseball bat  
  
Sarah noticed the change in her husband's attitude and existence

"Oh Alan have you been watching too much Doctor Who again it's like you've become young but as an ordinary"  
  
Rick was offended unaware he was in the body of a tory

"Ordinaries is that what you fascists call the working class and Hey at least I have a bird in this universe"  
  
Sarah acted like it was normal "don't be silly Alan you know I utterly despise your existence"  
  
Rick shrugged "well when do I not hear that"  
  
Rick realized he was in the mind of the politician Alan B'stard "I can't believe it I'M A FACIST!"  
Alan realized he was in the mind of an Anarchist "I can't believe it I've become a queer"

*(later)*

Piers ran up to *Alan* "here's the paperwork you wanted"

Rick was confused "what paperwork?"

Piers mumbled submissively "how are you going to torture me this time?"

Rick was shocked but intrigued "Torture you?"

he thought for a second "Oh yes"  Doing his usual perverse dance move and facial expression before lightly slapping Piers 

Piers blushed he was never *tortured* in that sort of way before

 

Rick said in a light tone "good job Piers"

(meanwhile)

Alan noticed Neil's existence

"Oh I didn't know I had to share this house with a dirty hippie what's your name"

Neil said "Neil"

Alan demanded "full name please"

Neil introduced himself with his full name which he rarely did

"Neil Wheedon Walkins Pye"

Alan recognized Neil

"Oh, I've seen that name before I think I once had a visit with that family when I was younger why did you change?"

Neil said

"My parents saw me as a disappointment"

Alan spoke about his personal life

"same here even though old mummy was busy with her retirement home  business I was rich and I liked the attention but never made many friends I later became MP and married a bird and got more riches they say money can't buy happiness well I'm the best MP in all of Britain who drives a Bentley so I don't know why they say that?" when he sarcastically laughed 

"Even if it meant being stuck in Siberia, a Californian jail and seeing everyone die before me" Alan made a fake smile "I've gotten used to it even Pier's stupidity he may be very thick but he was always there  even if his wife tried to kill me many times"

Neil felt remorse for Alan "oh that's sounds like some extremely heavy stuff you had to deal with would you like some tea?"

Alan requested "two sugars and a milk?"

Neil responded "I'll go make the tea now" getting some instant tea packets ready and arriving back with the tea"

Alan was puzzled "How did that work so quickly?"

Neil said

"it's instant tea"

Alan was intrigued "the future is strange but fascinating"

(later)

Rick was standing next to the feminist character from a few seasons ago of The New Statesman

"stop being such a bitch"

the crowd gasped 

the feminist character said, "are you sure you don't want to make another deal with me?"

Rick shouted "no because you're a completely selfish fascist misandrist"

the crowd gasped even more

Piers was concerned "I don't recall Alan really cared about human rights before I hope he's feeling alright "

 


	23. Anarchy in the Bathtub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vyvyan and Rick have to share the bathtub while teasing and Kelsie joining insue

Neil was watching TV with Kelsie and Mike was again nowhere to be seen is he that desperate for birds or what? anyways

everything was "normal" until they could both hear a round of loud splashing noises

Rick was in the bathtub complaining when Vyvyan entered the bathroom

"Vyvyan go away it's my turn to use the bath"

Vyvyan couldn't care less

"I'll bath in here whenever I'd like to you bastard"

Rick scoffed

"fine but don't sit close to me there's nothing to see"

Vyvyan joked

"Yes there is I can see your bollocks"

Rick over dramatically screamed

"Rick and Vyvyan are fighting again,"

said, Neil, as he turned his head to Kelsey droning as usual

"When do they not fight?" said Kelsey cynically as she shrugged

"Hm that's true I guess Neil nodded

The splash noises continued as Vyvyan and Rick continued to attack each other with waves of water

Rick had an idea as he flicked on the metaphorical light in his mind as he swam over to where the tap was and made the water ice cold which made Vyvyan screech as he tried to the same to Rick but with very warm water which made him scream

"Ahhh I'm in Hell I'm scalding in warm so I must be in hell how on earth could a beautiful soul like me die?"

"You're not in hell your in the bath with me Ah!" Vyvyan yelped as he slipped hurting his bottom slightly

Rick then laughed at the punk metalhead being as clumsy as he usually is

then there was a creak of the door which had accidentally been left open

Kelsie had walked in on Vyvyan and Rick bathing

on the inside, she was laughing but on the outside, she said in his usual sarcastic voice "well you two look cute"

Kelsie  shouldn't have said that but that didn't stop them from taking a towel and slapping Vyvyan with it only for Rick to uncontrollably laugh

meanwhile, Neil was downstairs watching a horror movie

"Wow the effects are quite heavy it's like I can actually hear the victim feeling hysterical before it's tortured by the demon" he laughed as he was unaware the loud shouting was actually from the three complete twats upstairs


	24. KelsiVyvyan Fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soft vyvyan and kelsie fluff

"Vyvyan why have you bought a pillow that looks like a pair of tits?"  
  
it's for educational purposes he said

How is studying my anatomy part of your medicine homework?

Vyvyan was reading a comic 

"this bird has a knob," he noticed  
  
Kelsie rolled her eyes "Yes Vyvyan they exist"

Vyvyan is drunk and relaxed on Kelsie's leg 

"Vyvyan would you kindly get off my leg"

 

a few days later Kelsie and Vyvyan were talking about personal stuff (childhood bullying)

Kelsie said "it's ok I was a stupid kid I probably deserved it"  
  
Vyvyan disagreed  "no you didn't"  
  
Kelsie coldly answered "yes I did"  
  
Vyvyan explained "No I was the stupid bastard who picked on you"

Kelsie shrugged it off  
  
"It was tame compared to other bullies I've dealt with it's not that"  
**Kelsie was pulled into a hug**  
  
"bad"  
  
(next scenario) 

Kelsie and Vyvyan are sledding   
  
Kelsie mentioned "this is quite fun"  
  
Vyvyan enjoyed sledding "weee!"  
  
(next scenario)  
  
(beach)  
  
Kelsie said "ah this is"

Vyvyan cut her off

"boring"  
  
Kelsie agreed "I know there's not much water, sand gets in my feet and sunscreen is itchy"  
  
Vyvyan made a suggestion

"wanna go and put a crab down Rick's pants?"  
  
Kelsie joined in

"that would be amusing"  
  
(next)  
  
Kelsey is on the sofa with a sore knee  
  
Vyvyan gave her some medicine and prepared bandages

Kelsie moaned  
  
"Shit why do I have to be so clumsy"  
  
Vyvyan said,

"you did say you'd break a leg"  
  
Kelsie made an empty threat

"I will kill you"  
  
Vyvyan joked

"you can't you can't move"  
  
Vyvyan mumbled  
  
"just get some rest you bastard"  
  
(next scenario)  
  
Kelsie:*moshes*  
  
Vyvyan: **moshes**  
  
THIS IS AMAZING  
  
(next scenario)  
what Kelsey could see was Vyvyan on his ass tripped over a confused Rick holding a dress all she could do was a raise an eyebrow  
  
Kelsie: fireworks aren't that great  
  
(ends up cuddling Vyvyan while watching the fireworks)  
  
Kelsie: fireworks are great  
  
Vyvyan walked over holding some food did madam request some crisps on the side with mayonnaise?  
  
Kelsie: you know me so well


	25. Vyvyan doesn't understand fandoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> breaking the fourth wall as he and rick discover shipping

Rick: I did not do that to you  
  
Vyvyan: YES YOU DID YOU GOT YOUR POOF HANDS OVER ME AND IT WAS NASTY  **is extremely disgusted**    
  
Rick  **looks at the fanart**  well it's not too bad and I look quite nice in these pictures as I say so myself  
  
Vyvyan: Yeah right   
  
Rick:  **stares**  
  
Vyvyan: NOT IN THAT WAY YOU PERVY BASTERD


	26. No More Bobbies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys read the news about men no longer being allowed in the transport police

Rick  **blinked before reading the article again**  
  
Kelsie did **the same**  
  
Vyvyan shouted, "WHY DOES GENDER EVEN MATTER!"   
  
Mike said "who will protect the streets nowadays"  
  
Rick remembered

"well, we have Neil didn't Neil become a police officer once?"  
  
Neil nodded

"yeah that was pretty heavy"  
  
Vyvyan made a suggestion

"what about me my hamster is named after the SPG If I see someone who's being a bastard I show them who they are messing with that and Rick thinks Police are fascists and he calls me a fascist many times too"  
  
Kelsie was in **deep thought "** I don't like the police but Vyvyan would be good for the job as well as Neil and them uniforms would be good on them"


	27. Political Undertones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil questions Kelsie's accent that and he finds the english accent quite loud

Vyvyan and Rick were completely pissed, Kelsie was half asleep and Neil was high

Neil was high "man that accent is heavy"  
  
Vyvyan said "Neil you have that accent yourself"  
  
Neil was confused

"but yours is very heavy you is an Englishmen and Kelsie is too"

Vyvyan facepalmed  
  
"I'm a metalhead I'M SUPPOSED TO BE HEAVY and Kelsie is Irish"  
  
Kelsie was reading when they corrected him

"I'm Northern Irish"  
  
Neil asked

"isn't that part English and part Irish?"  
  
Kelsie bluntly said "Northern Ireland isn't part of England"  
  
Rick said "but it is part of the UK"  
  
Kelsie laughed it off "What do you know about Northern Ireland?"

Vyvyan answered "the band Stiff Little Fingers come from there"

Rick answered "That's about it despite having a complicated political situation the political parties are mostly conservative, Gay marriage still isn't allowed there and that's where Snow Patrol are from"

Kelsie remarked, "and how is that compared to Britain?"

Rick inhaled before ranting

"Where to start,Racists have been popping up everywhere since the Tommy Robinson events,almost everyone is judged,Morrissey is a Fascist,The BBC is controlled by government,Healthcare wise the NHS are overworked and understaffed and there's also a mental health crisis going on but the mainstream media don't seem to care,LGBT rights are a good thing but last month's pride parade was ruined by TERFS and some people are too ignorant to realise that "racism" and "sexism" have been around for centuries, Thanksgiving meant less thanks and more killing for the sake of colonialism, Christmas is way too commercialized  and the education system is making their study system the same as South Korea's with mainly stressful tests instead of practical work that is harmful also they are without school dinner because of May putting the dinners away and Thatcher being a milk snatcher"

Rick and Kelsie pointed to the fourth wall aggressively exclaiming "Hope your satisified May" 


	28. Maybe He's not so bad after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick gets beaten up by facists during a protest luckily Vyvyan is there to help him

Rick had a busy afternoon he had attended a meeting, performed a protest against Tories in the street with his fellow students and was truly feeling like his revolution was working 

Vyvyan and his classmates were done seeing a crash dummy presentation but as political events usually go as soon as the Republican extremists showed up they weren't there to play around.

just as Rick was done giving a small speech one of them yelled at "Who would want to listen to a little fairy like you?"

Rick tried to stay aggressive "Oh you poor ignorant soul I am not a queer I am a socialist and I don't think you should assume that I have aids because I don't"

they replied with "So you're a virgin?"

"No of course not how dare you to assume I'm a virgin because I am not now would you please bugger off we are trying to hold a protest against Fuhrer Thatcher's dictatorship"

another one of the Fascists shouted out "Oi! he's insulted the iron lady let's get him murked

a crowd of angry men with shaven heads was soon surrounding rick and while he tried his best to fight back he wasn't as strong and ended up getting injured lying there on the ground twitching and shaking waiting for someone to save him but other than a few of his classmates fighting off the skinhead fascists the rest just ditched him

Rick started thinking that maybe nobody was coming to save him,maybe he's doomed to die like the great leaders he admired so much deep down he knew his boastful attitude was off-putting to many people he just really didn't want to be alone so he tried to be as obnoxious and unlike his parents as possible so he felt like he fit in alias this time he was alone 

Until he saw a certain orange-haired punk with stars on head exiting the crash dummy presentation center he looked bored until he saw the heavily bleeding rick on the ground trying to resist from sobbing 

Instead of usually laughing in his face or mocking him he was quiet for a few seconds before speaking 

"Alright, you Bastard how did you get fucked up like that?"

Rick replied with "Well I was having one of my socialism protests when suddenly a lot of skinhead Nazi fascists arrived and basically beat the shit out of me"

"were you being a preachy prick like usual?"

"Not really no I was just finishing my protest and then they assumed I was a queer from my voice and appearance that's where it got dirty I thought I was going to die that it would be the end of me" Rick replied with his usual overdramatic tone at the end of his anecdote

Vyvyan gave a small sarcastic chuckle to himself before saying "Thankfully your not dead yet but it does look like they made a mess of you, can you bother standing up?"

Rick stood up but he was struggling slightly due to intense pain that was in his arm and knees

"Looks like I'm gonna have to carry you," Vyvyan said sighing

"Carrying me? It would just make me look like even more of a poof"

"It's not like you can move anywhere in the state your in" Vyvyan replied before lifting Rick and carrying him over his back

"people used to make fun of my voice too it was obvious I sounded like I lived in a council home so people assumed I had the same attitude those skin bastards did it's what people expected of me the more society hated me the more I attacked back" 

before arriving home Vyvyan let Rick rest on a bus stop bench while he got out his favorite baseball bat and showed those fascists that they don't mess with Vyvyan Bastard and that "Nobody fights with rick except for me" "you got that? Good now piss off"

Being a medicine student Vyvyan later gave Rick some first aid, when Mike and Neil asked what had happened Vyvyan just said he and Rick had another round of roughhousing before Kelsie joined them on the sofa while rick ranted for the 100th time about how shit and judgmental society is


	29. Crossovers (Part 5) (Halloween)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Professor,Adrian and Richard are visiting again while Kelsie pulls a prank on Rick

The Professor announced "I'm on a diet" before eating a bap   
  
Richard said "I was about to be on a diet before you ate that"  
  
Adrian threw a coke bottle at Richard

"OW!"  
  
Kelsie had an idea for a prank so she put mentos in the coke bottle

Kelsie then called Rick over  
"Rick someone wants to have sex with you"

walked over   
  
"who? great now I'll no longer be a virgin"   
  
Kelsie whisted innocently "yeah" Kelsie kicked the spraying coke bottle to where Rick's legs were  
  
Rick enjoyed the illusion "YES THIS IS GREAT" until he sniffed "wait this smells cold and refreshed and not wet or moist?"  
  
Vyvyan choked on his tea  
  
Mike teased

"well Rick I knew you'd have to lose the weight somehow and that your first date would soak your pants"

Rick realized he was pranked and started to chase Kelsie  
  
"NOT LIKE THAT KELSEY YOU BASTARD"

Kelsie laughed it off while she chased him  
  
"It's ok if you have a coke kink I do too"    
  
*later*

a Mother & Child were walking  
The Mother screamed when she saw   
  
Vyvyan with an emotionless expression dressed as Pennywise, holding a balloon and some candy:

"Good evening," he said   
  
The Mother shouted holding her son close

"Don't stab me and Timmy you've seen It and that you shouldn't trust clowns"  
  
Timmy innocently said "but Mummy I like clowns"  
  
Vyvyan threatened the mum "I'll stab this balloon if you aren't quiet"  
  
The Mother calmed down "but sir I know this is Halloween but this is scaring my son"  
  
Vyvyan joked

"Do you think this is scary?" as he did a clown dance  
  
Timmy liked the dance "that's a cool dance"  
  
Vyvyan smiled

 "Of Course little Timmy here's some candy" giving him a bag of candy

The Mother shouted "there could be razor blades in there"  
  
Vyvyan made a menacing expression "would you like fries with that?"  
  
The Mother simply said "no thank you" before she ran off with her son   
  
Vyvyan smirked "good day"   
  
(meanwhile)  
  
Kelsie was watching a film  
  
Vyvyan was still dressed as Pennywise when he arrived back home

" Trick or TREAT" he yelled landing on the sofa in front of Kelsie  
  
Kelsie gasped at first before erupting into laughter  
  
the door went and Rick answered it  
  
"I wonder what little rascals want to steal our Haribo collection" he chuckled

when he could see several Neil's outside saying "Hello Rick"  
which Rick responded to by screaming

 


	30. Silly punks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelsie tickles Vyvyan

Vyvyan asked, "why did you send me barbie doll pictures?"  
  
Kelsie said "because I used to take their clothes off a lot"  
  
Vyvyan joked "so you like toys?"  
  
Kelsie  **put her hand down his back**  "yup"  
  
**before tickling him**  
  
Vyvyan started laughing "Kelsie stop it your killing me you can't kill me I'm supposed to kill you ahahahahahahaha"


	31. This Medicine student gives good massages (Smut)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad puns and vaginal fingering
> 
> (Vyvyan Bastard/Original Character)

Kelsie and Vyvyan were horny and messing around with an online word generator 

Kelsie joked "one question why another question why not me"

Vyvyan said "Because your nails are too sharp mine aren't I can give a good vaginal massage"

Kelsie burst out laughing "Vyvyan I know you wanted to be a doctor but not a Victorian-era doctor it's not like I have female hysteria"  
  
Vyvyan took a deep breath before telling a joke

"Hitler getting attacked by the allies throwing a cactus at his small knob"  
  
Kelsie laughed at the joke "Bahahahaha Oi! ayyyyyyyyy I see what you did there"

Vyvyan laughed with her "I know hysterical that's why I don't really tell many jokes their darker than Morrissey's wardrobe"

Kelsie mumbled "I'm ready for that massage now"

Vyvyan then gave the massage it felt weirdly good 


	32. a Mistletoe mishap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Young Ones celebrate Christmas

Neil had prepared some food (totally not frozen food instead of a turkey),Mike was putting the presents in hard to reach places,Rick was decorating the tree,Vyvyan was also decorating while not stuffing SPG in a stocking and Kelsie was just arriving back 

Rick complained "Why do we even have a mistletoe this year we never get any birds around apart from that one party"

Mike boasted "you may not get any birds but I'm the Casanova here so sit down this isn't for lads"

Rick scoffed "Lad? I am not a lad why are we even celebrating Christmas you all know I'm an atheist" 

Neil mumbled "but Rick I'm a Christian and I think it would be nice that we celebrate a holiday that doesn't have to do with greed or sex"

Rick said "No Greed or Sex that's what holidays are all about besides getting facist teachers off our backs"

Neil said "and you'll miss the christmas log they say that is a magical practice the pagans used and this is a time for giving not getting"

Rick scoffed "Not getting? we already have no jobs no sex no money no economy no anything"

Vyvyan was hammering something into the wall

"Rick for the love of Krampus shut up"

Rick didn't get the reference

"Krampus what the devil is krampus?"

Vyvyan got off the ladder

"glad you asked Rick while father christmas gives rewards to all the good boys and girls at christmas Krampus does the opposite he kidnaps kids,eats him or smacks their bottoms before they join him in hell"

Rick overdramatically screamed "But I'm not a boy or a girl I don't want to be sent to hell"

Vyvyan said "whatever you are Rick you're still a bastard and maybe if you would piss off I could get some work done and Krampus will leave you alone"

Mike mocked Rick "what I find funny is that your afraid of getting BDSM for free yet you whine about not being as lucky as I am"

Rick was offended

"For the last time Mike I am not a pruddy scrub and you aren't lucky either despite your boasting so there" he then stuck his tongue out

 Neil asked

"speaking of which who are you thinking of kissing this year Vyvyan"

Vyvyan chuckled  "Not rick that's for sure"

Rick had enough

"Alright that's it" Rick and Vyvyan had their usual fight when

SPG  appeared from under the staircase singing "jingle knobs jingle knobs jingle all the way"

Vyvyan pulled SPG by his tail as the door went Kelsie walked in but she was in the way so  her lips ended up being on Vyvyans

Vyvyan stared and then smiled completing the kiss

Kelsie liked the kiss but was surprised "Merry Christmas?" 

Neil cheered

"Ho Ho Ho! I guess it's a merry Christmas for you Vyvyan"

Vyvyan now had a kiss mark on his cheek as he blushed "you bet"

Kelsie teased

"well that was unexpected but I kinda liked that are you being soft Vyvyan"

Vyvyan laughed it off " you're soft"

(the next day)

Vyvyan ran down the stairs before putting his radio on "IT'S CHRISTMAAAAAAS" he cheered while playing  Merry Christmas by Slade* 

Rick had coffee in his hand as he sarcastically remarked "Yes Vyvyan we know it's not WWIII yet"

Neil and Mike were by the door whispering

Neil mumbled, "do you have it?"

Mike whispered back yes holding a Cliff Richard cd in his hand*

Neil congratulated

"Merry Christmas Rick you may be a bastard to us but you never leave and you're our anarchist "

Rick blushed "well thanks Neil" opening his gift "Stronger through the years by Cliff Richard thank you very much"

Kelsie smirked as she sat on the sofa

"ey Rick you have another gift hidden on the sofa"

Rick walked over

"Oooooh let's see what it is" only to be bitten, kissed, licked and smooched

Mike hiccuped his wine singing "Hick I mean Deck the halls with lots of snogging"

Vyvyan sang out of tune "fa la la la la la ha"

Rick sang "Tis  the season to be snacking"

Vyvyan laughed at Rick getting the words wrong as one of his selection box chocolates was snatched

Neil sang "now we know our gay afa a levels ha ha ha" 

*loud hail can be overheard from outside*

*The end theme plays*


	33. University Challenge II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a another round of University Challenge II Kelsie tricks Rick into admitting something about himself

Neil made an announcement

"Guys I have an announcement to make we are going on university challenge again"

Rick cheered "Ok let's go"

 Kelsie held her phone taking photos of them posing by a bench 

Yep this is going on Instagram bois

 

because of Rick and Vyvyan being in the same pose, Rick had gotten some of Vyvyan's star studs on his face

"Why do I now have stars on my face?"

Mike joked 

"I don't know maybe you looked at the moon more than you've looked at women's chest"

Vyvyan stuck his tongue out for the camera while Neil admired how the filters made him look pretty

(Later) *halfway through the game*

the announcer read out the question

"What is the famous spongecake containing high fructose corn syrup that is a popular snack food in America?"

Mike guessed

"well to tell you the truth I don't know" 

Vyvyan said "I don't know either"

Kelsie knew the answer but decided to joke around about it

Kelsie smirked at Rick asking him "Rick do you know the answer?"

Rick simply said no

Kelsie asked, "what is it that Vyvyan usually calls you?"

Vyvyan shrugged "a bastard?"

Kelsie told them to guess again 

Rick couldn't think "um"

he was beyond confused

Kelsie shouted "you're a twink a twinkie twink,twink this spotty anarchist is a twink twink twink"

Neil turned his head "Twink?"

Mike remembered "twink? Oh Twinkies"

The Announcer said "Another point goes to Scumbag college"

Kelsie wouldn't shut up in the car when the show was over

"you're a sweet, your a bit dumb and your blonde"

Vyvyan chuckled while controlling his steering wheel 

"You can teach a new dog new tricks"


	34. Soppy Sods Snuggling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelsie is having trouble sleeping and wonders downstairs,awakening a certain poet who thinks there's been a burglar

It was Midnight and most of the boys were supposed to be asleep as the next day hadn't even started yet

Kelsie felt odd, his head was sore, his duvet was cold no matter how much he closed her eyes he couldn't sleep

he looked out the window noticing that it wouldn't be that long until morning so he decided to go back downstairs

he sat up on the sofa and tried to rest 

unknown to him, Kelsie's footsteps weren't subtle and a certain anarchist poet could overhear

Rick tip toed downstairs with his hands in a fighting pose 

"Alright fascists you think you can take on me well you can't because I'm a voice of the future and I don't pull any punches I already can't punch but that would ruin my monologue  show yourselves" he yelled prowling around the room

at this moment Kelsie tried to hide 

Rick searched the kitchen when he could hear a high pitched cartoon esque voice coming from nearby saying "Chill out I'm just a fridge"

while the voice didn't sound human it did sound familiar

Rick said to himself and to the fourth wall 

"Now if I wanted bad puns I'd watch Mrs. Browns Boys on repeat" that won't stop me from stopping you facist burglar"

he looked until he had enough "Bastard if you won't appear then I'll make you" as he showed his fist about to land a punch when he saw a short person sitting near Neil's bike that was the lounge  which made him stop

Rick apologized 

"Oh sorry Kelsie didn't see you here"

Rick then realized 

"Hang on a minute why aren't you in bed?"

"Why aren't you in bed?" Kelsie replied in his usual low toned sarcastic voice

he started to complain

"Now don't get cranky with me if I want to stay up to have my go of watching netflix all night because Vyvyan uses it most of the time"

"Rick last I recall you weren't my mum and if you were watching netflix I would've seen you" Kelsie answered back 

"Still though why are you up so early?" Rick asked

Kelsie sighed and said "I couldn't sleep"

"You couldn't sleep?" Rick answered

"Yep I'm awake, drowsy and cold the weather didn't help"

Kelsie explained before letting out a yawn 

Rick thought for a second and had an idea "do you want to snuggle?"

"Now Rick you're a virgin," Kelsie said raising his eyebrow

"AM NOT" Rick yelled before regaining his composure "anyways there's no catch to this I too was feeling the same"

Rick got out one of the blankets from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around him and Kelsie 

Kelsie moved his head close to Rick's shoulder as he had his arms around him both of them feeling completely relaxed 

Neil and Vyvyan then walked along the upstairs hallway looking down to see the two as they crept downstairs

"Guys I thought something heavy was going on because I heard a lot of shouting," Neil asked

"I thought there was a burglar attacking us so I brought my bat" Vyvyan yelled leaning on the stair bannister

"I don't think there's a burglar Vyvyan if there was we would hear gunshots..wait what's Rick and Kelsie doing 

downstairs Kelsie and Rick were sound asleep wrapped in their blanket on the sofa snuggling comfortably 

"Leave them, Neil, it'll be morning soon anyway," Vyvyan said shrugging in his natural softer toned voice  

"but you brought your bat?" Neil asked

"exactly" Vyvyan grinned as he knocked Neil out with a single swing to get the hippie to sleep since he didn't to begin with anyway before taking himself back off to his own room


	35. Rick the Feminist Anarchist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick,Neil and Kelsie ramble about International Womens Day

Rick walked into the living room looking unhappy about something

“Rick what’s wrong?” Neil asked  
“It’s nothing you stupid hippy” Rick replied angrily  
“No really what’s bothering you”? Neil questioned  
“It’s McDonald’s” it’s International Women’s day and what do they do they just turn their golden arches the other way round it’s not like they would address oh I don’t know how much they pay their workers. Rick explained sarcastically

“Oh I see” Neil nodded

“Preaching the same old progressive rhetoric yet doing bugger all about it”

“So they are keeping promises they can’t keep”

“Exactly kind of like another group of people I hate”

“Who? Fascists”

“Neil, I call everyone a fascist I’m talking about the bloody Tories”

“What are you doing up this late” Kelsie yawned

“Talking about International Women’s day”

Kelsie sighed quietly

I see International Women’s day as a day that highlights women and some women that have changed the world in different ways while I care about women’s issues like the pay gap and equal rights I don’t feel like labelling myself

Your ok with that right? Kelsie asked

“Of course labels are only good for letters anyway I understand why and you still care about women’s issues and that’s good Rick replied

“Like how while I agree that women should be involved in the science and technology fields it shouldn't be forced on them and those women who are genuinely interested in science or technology should have jobs related to that field or like the Oscars” Kelsie explained

“Didn’t you watch the Oscars?” Neil asked

“I’m not a yank Neil do I like I watch the Oscars? Anyways”

“It just felt like some people were just given the awards because of identity politics  so they are being awarded just because of what they are rather than their contributions to film-making”

“I see what you mean”

“I mean how would you feel if you had spent months working on a masterpiece of a project working on all the editing, script writing, casting, producing, sound design etc. only to just be given an award because of what you are rather than your filmmaking skills”

“Exactly Kelsie this is what I’ve been talking about all these years some people are more about commercializing the occasion due to how progressive it is rather than actually doing anything that would be progressive like making sure female workers get the right amount of payment or stopping oppression that’s going on in 3rd world countries”

“yet all those corbynists think otherwise”

“I think they are called Corbynites Rick”

“Shut up Neil”

“So Yes while I may be a feminist I am ok with you not being a feminist, I mean you still care about social issues, equal rights, equal pay etc.

"so you don't hate me?"

"Kelsie, I would never hate you, do I hate you? no, do I hate Neil? no, do I hate Michael no because he's the boss of this house but no I hate Vyvyan, of course, I fight with him almost all the time"

they then hugged


	36. Who is it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelsie in Wonderland basically

Kelsie awoke, Kelsie had overslept again it was supposed to be lunchtime

She went downstairs to see what the others were up to it felt like she was in a dream world

Rick was flirting with a bird, Vyvyan was eating some toast and Neil was doing some washing up

It wasn’t until seconds afterwards another row had started

Plates were thrown, people were hiding and Jerzi was being annoying

Kelsie just listened to music until a wall was cut open to reveal a secret passageway

Kelsie went through the passageway only to notice she was in the middle of a street

In the street, some people were doing carpool karaoke and jesters were walking to the local police station

Kelsie ignored it and tried to walk on

Kelsie walked past a nuclear weapons protest and then she heard some strong sounding Irish accents where 4 young lads were standing by a wall 

an Irish accented Rick noticed

“My I’ve never seen her around here before have you?”

an Irish accented Vyvyan shrugged,

“Nope she doesn’t look like any other person I’ve seen at the pub”

an Irish accented Mike said,

“Maybe I could chat her up to get her talking”

the Irish accented Rick complained 

“This is 2018 you don’t do that anymore”

irish accented Vyvyan stared,

“Yeah she probably wouldn’t be interested in you anyway”

irish accented Rick stared with him

“Something does stand out about her very mysterious”

irish accented Mike moaned,

“you don’t get much birds like that nowadays they all look the same”

irish accented Rick said,

“I don’t think she’s a bird, Mike”

Kelsie walked into a living room, the news was BBC Northern Ireland Kelsie found a funhouse mirror and walked over to it shouting and screaming

What Kelsie was she?

Was she Kelsey the person that exists in real life, the Kelsie that was formerly a character from another fanfic series or was she the Kelsie who was the 5th roommate

Screaming and shouting the mirror broke and Kelsie found herself in a game show hosted by someone named Balowski

Hi, comrades, it’s Balowski here and this is Who is it? And this is our new contestant Kelsie~!

"What the Hell" Kelsie wondered

On this game, you ask the people behind the counters questions to see who they are and the trick is that each of them is in love with the contestants

Kelsie coldly joked

"Tough luck Barlow but I’m a single Pringle"

Balowski didn't find the pun funny 

It’s Balowski, Now let the game begin

Kelsie asked 

Um, Person No.2 What do you think of The Sex Pistols?

The Sex Pistols?  they’re one of my favorite bands he shouted

And Person No.3 what’s your favorite food?

Lentil soup he mumbled 

Uhhh Person No. 1 what political stance do you have

Social Anarchism next question he proudly stated

What do you hate the most? Person No.1

That’s a tough question that would be Facist Pigs, Pandering television and uninvited house guests he ranted

Um, Person No.2 favorite drink?

Babycham always babycham he nodded

What do you think of modern technology? All of them

Well I think modern technology will destroy the world with all it’s machines "Person No.3 said

I like the idea of a future that doesn’t have violence or war Person No.1 answered

Well we could do with fewer updates everywhere Person No. 2 shrugged

……Person No.1  what do you think of me

Of You? Well you don’t even know who I am yet I guess you’re an alright person I suppose 

And Person No.2

Uhhhh you sound like an American

Balowski asked

“So have you guessed Kelsie?”

 

And Person No.3

Uhh well you’re a witch by the looks of the star necklace your wearing 

Kelsie knew the answers

Yes they are Rick Pratt,(Person No.1) Vyvyan Bastard (Person No.2) and Neil Wheedon Walkins Pye (Person No.3)

Balowski yelled

"Now you’ve won the prize"

What prize? Kelsie wondered

The prize of getting this twat out of my studio said Balowski

Kelsie could then feel an odd sensation like the world was falling down, socks were gloves and it felt less real

Only to be awoken back to reality by some shouting

Kelsie was in bed with Vyvyan, Neil, and Rick in front of him and Mike standing by the door

Rick was slapping his cheeks yelling “Kelsie Wake Up”

Vyvyan was just sitting there with a cricket bat in hand while Neil was just watching

Rick was relieved Kelsie was finally up

“Finally you’ve woken up Kelsie you weren’t present at breakfast so I thought you were unwell or something”

Vyvyan laughed

“Haha Rick fancies Kelsie”

Rick was offended 

“I DO NOT I was just concerned”

Kelsie yawned “I didn’t sleep in again did I?”

"Yes" Vyvyan bluntly answered

Kelsie recollected the events of the said dream 

"Oh God I had the oddest lucid dream I was at home again, I was in a funhouse mirror and I was in reality and I didn’t know who I was and then I was in a game show you were there, Rick was there, Neil was there and Mr. Balowski was there too"

Rick was a bit weirded out when the details of the dream were explained

“Some dream you must’ve had"

Neil said,

“we aren’t on a game show either I’m not prepared to do stunts involving leather, cake, and custard on live television”

Rick cringed,

“Neil can you not mention kinks”

Vyvyan asked,

“But isn’t every game show the same cheesy stunt montage these days”

they all agreed

“true”

Vyvyan then hit Neil with the cricket bat


	37. Scraped Knees and Baggy Trousers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boredom,nostalgia and complaning

Rick and Kelsie are sitting on the sofa wondering about what to do

 Rick asked

How are you feeling today

Kelsie simply said  "bored"

Rick moaned "same I would like to start a revolution or something but that Eurovision incident has put me off doing that for a while"

Vyvyan walked out of the kitchen "doing what?"

Rick said "protesting, lecturing standing on my soapbox"

Vyvyan wasn't surprised

"Oh...So the usual lefty rambles?"

Rick said

"don't call me that and yes"

Vyvyan could also sense the boredom

"Even the urge to punch your head in seems boring today"

Kelsie started to reminisce

"do you remember when life was more simple?"

Vyvyan guessed

"when during the times of dinosaurs?"

Rick whined "No Kelsie is referring to our childhoods"

Vyvyan shrugged "I spent my time watching horror films and playing video games what about you?"

Rick rambled "Well I liked to read the latest cosmopolitan mag and watch Disney films"

Vyvyan rolled his eyes "of course the typical poofy things I'd expect"

Rick whined

"it wasn't poofy I also enjoyed visiting the local leisure center and buying a Chelsea whopper from the local corner shop"

Vyvyan said

"I guess I'd enjoy that too...Kelsie what about you?"

Kelsie turned her head

"about what?"

Rick simply said "your childhood"

Kelsie tried hard to remember positive memories that weren't repressing school incidents

"I remember bulldog even though I was a quiet cowardly kid I did use to enjoy those rough games as long as it wasn't sport"

Vyvyan said, "didn't they ban that?"

Rick nodded

"Yep apparently it's too dangerous"

Kelsie remembered

"and I remember we used to just chill on the grass making necklaces out of daisies we found"

Rick chuckled "I did that too that was so fun what did you play Vyvyan?"

Vyvyan mumbled "Bubbles"

Rick was confused "Bubbles?"

Vyvyan nodded

"I used to sit in the playground with my walkman listening to Motorhead while holding my bubble wand"

Rick scoffed coldly "sounds like a way to waste time really"

Vyvyan shouted "WELL IT'S BETTER THAN WHAT YOU DO COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME"

Rick dropped his jaw "and what exactly do you mean?"

Vyvyan ranted

"well when we first moved in our education was a way to forget about the toddlers running the country but no every night I'd have to hear the same I hate tories rhetoric from your piehole"

Rick lied "I don't complain all the time"

Neil and Mike then walked inside

All of them said "YES you do"

Neil said

"uh outside of exams did education really teach us anything?"

Mike answered

"Now that's what they should have on Question Time"

Rick scoffed "Well I mean look at Neil he probably went to some high-class secondary school yet he's as thick as a plank of wood"

Neil was offended "Oh yeah way to put me down Rick I graduated from that school"

Mike turned his head

"in what?"

Neil explained

"a GCE in Horticulture"

Vyvyan listened

"so you spent the class Gardening all day?"

Neil mumbled, "yeah..what about you Mike?"

Mike proudly stated "I got a degree in selling used items"

Rick made a sarcastic smirk at Mike

"selling bootleg Duran Duran cassettes isn't a qualification Mike"

Kelsie coldly asked

"what about that sociology degree you got?"

Rick explained

"it makes me aware of all the trouble going on in this world"

Neil stared "have you actually made any changes?"

Rick: found it hard to think of an example

Vyvyan shouted "I can't take it anymore" before attacking Rick

Neil was amazed "Wow this is like a heavy episode of that Simpsons cartoon"

Mike joked "at least this show ended instead of going through seasonal rot"

Then all 5 of them stared at the reader

Vyvyan said "We're all watching you bastards"


	38. The Goth Club

It was the spooky time of October,  Kelsie decided to take the others off to the goth club she visited regularly 

Neil felt like he was in wonderland after trying the drinks on offer, Mike tried chatting up the ladies but wasn't doing as good as he thought and Vyvyan and Rick were having a blast

Rick badly danced to the sweet sounds of Robert Smith and Steve Strange

"you know Vyvyan this isn't that bad I love this dance with me"

 

Vyvyan loved the music and atmosphere but didn't like the idea of Rick dancing with him

he flicked a v at him and Kelsie danced in the background

 

"Vyv what are you doing?" Kelsie asked while trying to keep dancing

 

Vyvyan said, "I'm dancing with you like your bat to my Alice Cooper"

 

Kelsie cringed "Vyv please dance with Rick it's his first time at an alternative gig like this"

 

Vyvyan rolled his eyes and walked back to the dancefloor where Rick was having a cigarette break

 

Vyvyan apologetically drooped his head down before offering his hand "may I have this dance?"

 

Rick was confused but took his hand   "Yes Vyvyan now let's parr-ty~"

 

Vyvyan and Rick then swayed and moshed to The Lovecats and it was fun for the both of them 

 

Kelsie was impressed

 

"This isn't that bad Rick you are quite the dancer"

 

Rick shushed them

"Oh sussh  don't say that"

 

Vyvyan asked

"why don't you dance much?"

 

Rick groaned,

"CROWDS"

 

Vyvyan shrugged 

"Eh same but when you're pissed it's like your a jellyfish dancing in the ocean with all the other fish 

 

Kelsie then left them alone

Neil and Mike were confused once they noticed

 

but Vyvyan and Rick didn't care they just kept moving to the sound of David Bowie's heroes singing in parts too

Rick sang,

"Oh we can be Heroes"

 Vyvyan sang back "Just for one day"

 


	39. Kick Fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kick=Kelsie and Rick

(scenario: Makeup)

Mike said from downstairs "Kelsie hurry up are you joining us to get to the gig or not?"

Kelsie shouted back "I'll be there in a moment"

Kelsie looked in the hallway mirror frowning  "I don't suit the event at all my face looked like a bunch of spotty corn flakes are stuck to it"

Rick walked out of his bedroom "Pardon?"

Kelsie was a bit startled

"Oh Hi, Rick didn't see you there are you ready for the music festival?"

he said,

"Yes, are you?"

Kelsie gave a half smile

"Almost could you give a bit of help on the cosmetic side of things?"

Rick was flattered that someone wanted his help for a change

"Sure I'd be happy to offer my expertise"

Kelsie was then sitting by Rick's dressing table while he stood holding his make up supplies like an artist next to their canvas

"Now hold still," he said, as he dabbed the blush into the powder and lightly stroked it over Kelsie's face 

he then delicately applied the eyeshadow and lipstick before putting the supplies away  

Kelsie looked around his drawers and found some jewellery to wear, they were now ready for the festival 

as they dashed downstairs into Vyvyan's car and off they went. 

 

(Scenario: Sad Movie)

Rick walked past the living room where Kelsie was watching an anime film

"What you watching?"

Kelsie ate their crisps happily

"Grave of the fireflies it's very good"

"hope you enjoy it then" 

he said as he went back upstairs

Later on, Rick could overhear some sobbing

as he went down the steps he could see the film had ended and Kelsie was in tears

he sat on the sofa next to him to see what happened

"What's wrong matey?" he asked as he put his hand around him

Kelsie sniffled "They, They died the brother had to help his sister alone in war times but they ended up dying in the end, he only wanted to make sure they didn't starve why were the others so mean?"

Rick took a tissue out of his pocket and handed it to Kelsie to dry their eyes  "It's a fictional film Kelsie!,yes it's in a setting based on a horrific real-life event but it's fictional, War, however, isn't but us anarchists can put a stop to it"

Kelsie dried their eyes "Yeah and oooh it's the firefly scene they're alive after all in their own world"

Rick smiled as he joked "would you believe your eyes if 8 million fireflies"

that made Kelsie chuckle as they cuddled

 

(scenario: watching tv)

Kelsie was sitting on the sofa bored 

"Hey, Rick do you want to watch Netflix with me?"

Rick turned around and sat next to him "Sure what are you watching?"

Kelsie mumbled, "how do you feel about RuPaul?"

Rick smirked "I think RuPaul is one of the best reality shows to ever exist on earth"

he then turned on the episode as he and Kelsie said together "Ladies and Gentleman start your engines"

 

(scenario: wearing each other's clothes)

Kelsie didn't mind all the badges Kelsie quite liked the look

Rick on the other hand

"How do you manage to wear so many hoodies and ahh~ these trainers are rubbing against me"

Kelsie rolled their eyes "and how do you manage to wear pointed shoes?"

Rick said,

"mine are Kelsie boots"

Kelsie chuckled "you mean Chelsea boots" 

Rick chuckled with him "Yeah Chelsea, Manchester, Liverpool all make good boots"

 

(scenario: Beach)

Rick was chasing Vyvyan angrily around the seaside

"VYVYAN! I'm going to murder you how dare you put a crab down my pants!"

Rick slipped over the sand and landed on Kelsie

Kelsie joked "are you feeling it now Mr Krabs?" before she was squished by Rick's back

"I can't breathe he mumbled 

Rick frantically got up and attempted mouth to mouth, but Kelsie was fine and Vyvyan was laughing at the whole scene 


	40. Bad Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Vyvyan get involved in a sewing incident

(Sewing)

Rick was in Vyvyan's bedroom but not for a fight he was there for some advice

Vyvyan said, "Why are you in my room?"

Rick showed him the soviet union star patch in his hand  "I bought this but I don't know how to display it on my blazer,"

Vyvyan snatched the patch and took a look  "let me see"

Rick scoffed "Do you even know how to sew?"

Vyvyan spoke casually "Yes I do actually"

Rick was surprised he smiled and said "Carry on then"

 

Vyvyan eventually got round to trying to sew the patch onto the blazer

Vyvan demanded "Now you bastard stand like a statue so I can concentrate 

Vyvyan got out a sewing needle and started sewing it in place

Rick whined "this is taking for ages Vyv get on with it"

Vyvyan yelled "sewing requires patience which I'm starting to lose because of you  so shut up and let me work

Rick got silent  the patch was now successfully sewn onto the blazer 

Vyvyan smirked "Done or would you rather I prick you with this needle instead

Rick shivered with nervous laughter  "No thanks Vyvyan I like your sewing skills but I don't see you being my nurse anytime soon 

Vyvyan burst out laughing and started chasing Rick down the hallway with his needle still in hand 

"What's the matter, Rick, you don't want a visit from Nurse Vyvyan, I thought you were still eating your greens and avoiding infections as I told you"

Mike peeked his head out the door "What is going on with you two?"

Rick said, "Nothing Mike" as he ran off while Vyvyan tagged along and said "Someone's being a very naughty patient"

Rick screamed "I'm not your ruddy patient" once they went downstairs there was a crash  as they entered the kitchen where Neil was preparing supper

Rick's finger had come in contact with the cocktail sticks on the table, and Vyvyan's foot had also come in contact with it they sat on the table squealing in pain "NEIL!" 

Neil shifted his focus away from the pots and pans "Oh it looks like you've gotten yourselves into something pretty heavy"

Vyvyan rolled his eyes "yeah a puncture wound" 

Neil had some first aid knowledge so he tended to Rick and Vyvyan's puncture wounds, removing the cocktail sticks so he could wash Rick's hand and Vyvyan's foot with soap and water, cleaning them up and applying gauze dressings.

 

when Mike came downstairs he helped stitch Rick's finger while Neil stitched Vyvyan's foot he wasn't feeling happy about it "Neil if you touch me with that needle I'll kill you" Neil said "But Vyv you want to be a doctor you'll be stitching people up on a regular basis" Vyvyan screamed "No it's because your  the one stitching me and you probably smell of compost and old fish"  Rick scoffed "Now Vyvyan that's just rude apologise to Neil at once

Vyvyan snorted "says the person who used to constantly call Neil a dirty hippie," Rick said, "That's what you just called him"

before Vyvyan spoke again Mike tried to help him settle "Vyv stay calm if you keep shouting you'll strain your throat give the arguing a pass for one day"

"Ok Michael" Vyvyan then was quiet 

 

Later on, Rick's puncture wound had healed while Vyvyan was stuck in his bedroom resting his foot on a pillow

 

Vyvyan felt unhappy with himself over losing his cool again so he just sat on his bed, listening to tv and music alone.

 

until he heard his door creak as someone walked in with a familiar obnoxious, snorting voice holding a tray containing a plate of food, bandages and an antibiotic cream 

 

Rick walked in wearing a light pink anime themed nurse gown his voice had a softer tone as he kindly greeted "Looks like someone needs a visit from nurse Rick"

Vyvyan smiled as he moved his foot so Rick could apply the antibiotic, he delicately moved the layers of cream around the wounded area rubbing the sides.

because it felt more like a massage Vyvyan started to chuckle, Rick then wrapped a bandage around the foot.

he dug into the food prepared for him between bites he said "Sorry for being a bastard I got carried away, the patch suited you"

Rick blushed to hunch his shoulders "it's ok and thanks ...you know you're quite cute when you want to be"

Vyvyan was surprised as he blushed "Me?cute, sod off you must be joking you hate me"

Rick chuckled "If I hated you I wouldn't be nursing you back to health now would I?...I enjoy some of our fights it gets me excited and full of energy we might slag each other off at times but we're still mates, you cute little punk bastard

Vyvyan was shocked that Rick was being so nice, but he was enjoying the moment he folded his hands and smirked: "Well Nurse Rick, are you going to give me some medicine?"

Rick sang "Your Love is like bad medicine"

Vyvyan sung back "Bad Medicine is what I need whoa!"

Rick kept singing "Shake it up just like bad medicine"

Vyvyan sat up waiting to receive a kiss "You got the potion that can cure my disease"

Rick then leaned in and pecked his lips 

 

 

 


	41. Take it Easy

It was the evening and Rick and Vyvyan were fighting again they dashed along the rooms chasing each other as Rick tried to dodge the punches and kicks coming his way when...he was tackled to the ground 

Vyvyan stood in front of him leaning down as he looked at Rick's blubbering,snot-filled face

he inhaled and exhaled while he grasped his plastic fake butterfly knife 

he tried to resist swinging the knife when....he felt a sense of numbness 

as he  tried to think about attacking he started to feel some sweat 

the thinking became overthinking as his mind replayed some old memories

of when a gang of kids crowded around him when he was little when his mum would drunkenly mock him or when his dad and his mum would argue

his breathing got faster as he started to shake and tremble "I can't do this, I don't know anymore" he shouted as he ran off upstairs into his room shutting the door

after a while, Vyvyan had been alone in his room for a long time, Rick got off from the ground "I wonder where Vyvyan went off to"

he shrugged and walked up to Vyv's bedroom door

he knocked...there was no answer 

Rick scoffed "Vyvyan open the ruddy door this instant let me in"

Vyvyan mumbled from inside "Piss off!"

Rick spoke with a slightly less loud volume "Please Vyv,I just want to talk, I'm coming in"

Vyv chuckled sarcastically "you, coming in my room...fine" he then flung open the door

Rick folded his hands with a serious look on his face and slapped his hands together "So..what happened back there you went from a fierce lion to a timid kitten like that why?" 

Vyvyan looked away "It's nothing"

Rick raised an eyebrow "it's clearly not nothing if it made you freeze in the middle of one of our squabbles"

he kneeled down while Vyvyan sat on his bed upset

"Look, if its' something I said I'm sorry sometimes my jokes are in very poor taste and sometimes I'm ignorant to certain conversation topics"

Vyvyan cut him off "It's not you"

Rick was puzzled "then what is it?, Dysphoria, fascists, tiredness was is it"

Vyvyan looked up "I guess I'm tired, tired of having to be strong all the time"

"I..had a flashback,a compilation of flashbacks,crap memories from my life where I was always just in the corner,if I wasn't being too tough as a "bully" I was "too weak" as when I was a little sod kids just loved crowding around messing with me just to get a reaction, never leaving me alone, the feelings never went away I always felt like I caused problems at least with a medical degree I'll be helping people for a change..but I haven't changed at all 

Rick listened to what Vyvyan had to say,

"Sometimes when I least expect it I still see images of people from then and I still hear their echoing voices sometimes...one of my episodes ended up being during one of our fights"

 

 Vyvyan was silent for a moment when Rick said something 

"Your traumatic memories don't define who you are...I'm here"

Vyvyan looked up and hugged him

he wouldn't usually openly hug Rick but he didn't let go 

"That was the you then, this is the you now, your an amazing person and don't let your trauma make you forget that"

"but when the intensity is too much, know that you can talk to me, I might not understand all of it but I want to be able to help you any way that I can"

Vyvyan smiled "Thank you..."

after Vyvyan took some slow breaths and did some mindful exercises he felt a bit better

Rick made a suggestion "Now would you like to take it easy for the day, maybe we could watch a horror film marathon together"

he nodded as for the rest of the day they sat in the living room together watching the antics of freddy kruger and jason vorees  

these weren't Rick's type of films but he watched them because he knew it would make Vyvyan happy 

with each jumpscare a melodramatic scream was heard followed by laughter Vyv now knew he wasn't alone 


	42. Winter Shopping

Winter was upon them so they all decided to head out to the town

Neil looked at the food sales, Vyvyan looked at the DIY, Health and music sales, Mike chatted up some people and Rick looked at the book sales

the crowds in M&S were horrendous but he only needed a few items

Vyvyan got the chainsaw he bought and placed on the counter

Mike raised an eyebrow "What do you need a chainsaw for?"

Vyvyan grinned "I think next year I'll start gardening, I'd like to make SPG's home look like the old west with lots of cacti that and it's fun to attack others with"

Rick was looking at historical books to do with Ireland, they still met with Kelsie sometimes but Kelsie's social life had improved a lot since the first time they met so she didn't see them as often, Rick knew some information about her home of Northern Ireland but not much so he was searching for books on the subject,once he found one about civil rights groups and revolutions he couldn't put it down....even though it was bookshop, not a library 

a light purple haired androgynous cashier walked up to Rick and patted him on the shoulder "You have to pay for that mate, this isn't a library"

Rick was slightly startled but he got up and paid for the books anyway cashier

asked him "I see you like Irish history what? have you been there or something"

Rick grinned "I am part Irish and I just find it all so fascinating, I was never really taught much about the island outside of what I'd see on the news

Vyvyan was waiting for Rick outside the shop having a cigarette break "WHAT? I never knew you were part Irish"

Rick walked out of the shop with his bags embarrassed as he stepped over to where Vyvyan was standing 

he scoffed "Why yes, Vyvyan I am part Irish, I'm English, part Irish and a bit of Scottish in me"

Vyvyan scoffed back "I would never see you of all people caught dead in a kilt....and" Vyvyan then made a stupid impression of a stereotypical Irish accent "How do you ye do me laddie how are ye, on this fine mornin hahaha"

 

Rick cringed, "Says the person who looks like a leprechaun...Vyvyan that's cultural appropriation....what's the rest of your heritage line then?"

 

Vyvyan smirked "One, how is it cultural appropriation if we're both white...and two....let's see I'm part Scottish and English on my mum's side, French,German and Irish on my dad's side though I have read his family are somehow connected to the scandavanian side of the world 

 

Rick blinked "that's quite interesting, I never knew that Vyv....but anyways the Irish have had to deal with a lot of revolutions, Potato famines and land fights in the Celtic times 

Vyvyan coughed "It wasn't a famine stupid, it was a massacre do you know how many people were killed in that, the British landlords covered it up, well there was Victoria who helped..and even some native Americans did but still it was a massacre but in schools they say it's just a famine...yeah sure like the Indian famine that took lives during WWII that Churchill did nothing about was "just a famine" the world is a messed up place and most countries have had to deal with oppression regardless of their skin colour 

 

Rick nodded "I agree Vyv, the world is a crap place full of fascist systems and political figures but we can tear it apart and make it better"

 

Vyvyan smiled "Yeah.... he then looked over and saw a photo booth  "oh look a photo booth let's take some"

he dragged Rick by the collar of his jacket over to the photo booth as they both sat inside

Rick felt a bit squashed but he hadn't been inside a photo booth in quite some time 

they both smiled as a photo was snapped, and then another but with them making rude faces and hand gestures, and another and another and another

until Neil and Mike joined in 

everybody say "Merry Christmas," Neil said

as the photo was snapped, Vyvyan snarled "Krampus!",Rick scoffed cheerfully "Capitalism", Mike said, "The best first time of the year" and Neil said "Uh, Digital rights and peace"

that felt nice while they usually did their own activities alone, book collecting, theatre volunteering, market selling etc. they were still like a family always together any other time, sure they had their squabbles but they felt connected, they felt like they were all lads having a fun time 

once they got back home, they tried putting the tree up, Neil wrapped the tinsel, Mike hung the fairy lights and Vyvyan and Rick carried each other as they placed the other decorations on the tree

Neil got to work on cooking, Rick got back to the art assignment he was working on, Vyvyan made a tiny Santa hat for SPG to wear, Neil cooked dinner and Mike watched south park 

after that they were playing charades Rick stood in front of the tv making bad Brexit jokes "Have you guessed who it is yet?"

Mike shrugged "is it, Thatcher?"  Rick let out a gasp "No, she's dead it's her lizard replacement Teresa May" Neil mumbled "I didn't know she was a lizard"

Vyvyan pushed Rick aside and did an impression snorting "Oh Cliff Richard is just great, isn't he why don't I smash the system, like how Vyvyan smashes my eardrums with symbols" 

 

Rick was confused "you've never done", his voice was blocked out by the sound of small symbals clattering together, 

he grabbed a cushion and threw it at Vyvyan's face, soon they all had a pillow fight it was quite fun soon instead of arguments they were laughing away

except for SPG who was too tired to think of something to say 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	43. Haircut

Vyvyan was sitting in the living room reading while Kelsie was on the internet

 

Vyvyan turned his head away from the book and noticed Kelsie doing the same, Kelsie had changed quite a bit since they first moved in last year, Kelsie was working harder, less negative and more focused.

her hair though was a different story, yes it had been cut before but only slightly, it was so thick it would take longer to dry out and it would often get tangled up

 

Vyvyan said, "Kelsie!" 

Kelsie looked up with his tangled strands covering  part of his face, it was a mess

 

he asked, "When was the last time you got your haircut?"

 

Kelsie said, "a few months ago why?"

 

Mike then walked out the back door saying "he doesn't want to be up in your face because he can't see your beautiful face"

 

Vyvyan nodded, "Well said, Michael"

 

Kelsie shrugged his shoulders "I know my head is a bit of a birds nest 

 

Vyvyan got up "I can help you with it",

 

Kelsie dropped his jaw raising his eyebrow "You working on my hair I'm not sure about that,aren't you supposed to be fixing, bodies not haircuts?"

 

Vyvyan scrunched up his face and smirked clicking his hands in a finger gun type of gesture "this trihawk didn't make itself"

 

Kelsie rolled his eyes "Fine, you can give me a haircut" 

 

Vyvyan and Kelsie then went upstairs 

before even getting in the door Kelsie said, "Now are you sure you aren't going to make me look like rocky horror or Sinead O' Connor?"

he grinned, "positive" 

 

Kelsie and him walked inside as he prepared what he needed to give the haircut

 

Vyvyan's room was like a classic cinema set and a newspaper scrapbook since his walls were dull in colour but covered in photographs and posters

he had magazines, books, a skeleton Halloween decoration, wigs, drawers upon drawers of things from patches, action figures to beauty products

Kelsie found a chair and sat while Vyvyan picked up a comb and combed all the hair, Kelsie lightly twisted it before Vyvyan grasped the scissors and cut off some hair, running over it with the comb and cutting the scraggly hair  "does the hair feel different?"

 

Kelsie said, "Yeah, it's less messy than before, Thank you Vyvyan, I apologise for judging you earlier"  

 

Vyvyan smiled, "it's fine,I don't usually do stuff like this and your welcome"

 

Vyvyan then brushed and dried the hair 

 "and done"

 

Kelsie looked in the mirror "I look like the ghost of Sharon Tate"

 

Vyvyan put his brushes and dryer away

"she was beautiful though"

 

Kelsie hunched their shoulders up "yeah she was"


	44. Party Philosophy

It was new years, Kelsie was hanging out with the gang again for a...party....a new years party with those four...this will surely go well...

Christmas was mixed, so who knew what would happen in the new year, Kelsie had watched a few films, a couple Netflix shows while also doing art projects on the side but nothing could prepare him for...the Party

Kelsie walked through the cold streets of Bristol when he had reached his destination, his ears were ringing at the 1975's the Sound blaring from inside 

he had a bouquet of sunflowers in hand and a shopping bag over his shoulder as he knocked on the door 

the door creaked open, echoing louder than the music, someone had styled their pigtailed fringe in a more modern "indie" fashion and a necklace made of fairy lights as his red pointed boots squeaked whilst he jived over to the front door snorting his familiar giggle  "KELSIE YOU MADE IT!" he shouted enthusiastically  Kelsie shrugged smiling back "I know, it's now 2019!"  Rick cheered as he danced back inside "Now! let's parr-ty!"

as Kelsie walked in the house on the inside was like a circus, in each room something eccentric was happening, there was a bubble machine spreading bubbles about the house, Neil was having a few rounds of green with hippie pals,Vyvyan was impressing the guests with his mixology and DJ skills ,Mike was chilling on the sofa surrounded by multiple beautiful men...and women and men who dressed as women, some people were playing video games. too...even SPG was having a blast dancing with the flies and ice skating carrots.

there were spotlights flashing fluorescent desaturated toned colours making the usually yellow walls look pink and purple

it was beautiful to see, but there were barely any places to sit, Kelsie rolled his eyes "could we talk in your bedroom?", he snorted a giggle before replying "Of course, we can talk in my room" 

he and Kelsie ran upstairs into Rick's bedroom, his room looked similar to how it did before, but this time he had a couple of posters on his wall one of which from the musical Heathers, he had added a couple more desks full of books,dvds and cd's and a PC with pastel colours making the place light up 

Kelsie sat on his bed while he did the same while Kelsie presented his gifts, the first gift was the sunflowers, Kelsie lifted them up "Happy 2019",  Rick grinned happily as he took the sunflowers "Aw~ for me! thank you!"

he then put the sunflowers in a pot, placing it on the dressing table, Kelsie then took out the other gifts,a set of healing gems and some Wicca herbs for Neil,a Iron Maiden action figure,a collection of Metal cd's and Joker centered Batman comics for Vyvyan,and for Rick a light pink sweater that showed his name in Japanese kanji characters and a pair of black dungarees that had a "aesthetic" grid design along with a couple badges 

Rick looked at the dungarees and smiled "This is great, you didn't have to do this", Kelsie turned his head "I wanted to, I haven't seen you in ages", Rick looked up and shrugged "True, what have you been up to? anyway"

Kelsie inhaled and explained "well I've been doing well at my media course, I've been with some mates,I learned that I am constantly in this dimensional vortex between me and "the other Kelsie, apparently the rift happens through a combination of lucid dreaming and mysticism, maybe we are all just characters, like actors on a stage you have the dreams that are imaginative, a form of escapism and are genuinely entertaining and wholesome…then you get the nightmares mixed with personal worries. a different show plays every day… you have thoughts that make you mindful, interested in a variety of topics and insightful and then you have destructive and intrusive thoughts, destructive, sometimes your alright and other times it's too much, too happy, your too overexcited, your too sad, your too cynical, your too anti-social....

Rick said, "Calm Down Kelsie, anyways I sort of get your philosophy, like robots we are given our tasks, but we don't know our meaning, until we figure it out for ourselves, sometimes accompanied by comrades on our journey, I originally thought I could be a revolutionary poet like the people in the 60s I studied about,but now I've learned a lot of them were very anti-feminist so I'm focusing on maybe being a photographer, writer or singer instead, maybe an actor too since I love volunteering at the local theatre, that Heathers play by Laurence O' Keefe and Kevin Murphy was brilliant it really spoke to me"

Kelsie blinked, "I love Heathers, I didn't know you did too, it was what got me back into Musicals and 1980s movies,"

 

Rick scrunched up his nose and stared "you know you sound like Effy from Skins"

Kelsie was shocked "Wait, Skins? you've watched that?, and Effy I'd say I'm more like Chris, Sid or Maxie to be honest"

Rick nodded, "Yep,loved it,always prefered the first generation though,like you don't intend to sound like Effy but the way you incorporate philosophy into your punk values and anti-social view on life it's like Effy, but despite that you still try to be there for people around you, despite times where your emotions are as hollow as eggshells

Kelsie tilted his head "I can see that but Effy still sounds more like you at times"

Rick quickly slipped on his new pair of dungarees  and picked up his camera "Anyways, let's start this Skins parrr-ty" he then tagged along with Kelsie downstairs 

Kelsie was still groaning once downstairs "oh no you seriously didn't"

while Vyvyan was cleaning the bar countertop SPG popped out and said "no use foreshadowing while the room is as bright as heaven"

then the party had begun  "the music was blaring loud, RIck would, unfortunately, sing out of tune and Kelsie would dance along with him"

before crashing out on the floor next to Neil and his hippie pals, trying to astral project the universe, after that, they got back to singing and dancing from ABBA to The 1975 to MCR to Twisted Sister to The Wombats

it was quite the wild party, luckily Rick and Kelsie were teetotal (not drinking alcohol), while Mike was trying to stop Neil was puking into a plant and Vyvyan adjusted the bubble machine 

as the party was almost over, while Rick and Kelsie were resting they kept talking about philosophy 

Rick flickered his eyes "what goals do you want to accomplish?" Kelsey thought about it "I'd like to showcase my poetry to a wider audience, I'd like to make people laugh by doing some stand-up comedy and I want to be me for once, not letting anything hold me back, being able to bring art and love into the world, while also spending more time with my friends from the main universe and from this universe 

Rick bulged his eyes out gasping "I remember now, this lucid dreaming thing you mentioned, I do it too,I've been in your dreams,this is a lucid dream,you are visiting this universe, in the dream,and your goals sound like mine, while not mine, but the other me, the person who played me as a character role in your universe, you've watched me, you write about me, you draw me, you think about me...well you think about me a lot"

Kelsie couldn't believe what was happening 

Rick continued "I've inspired you a lot, and you have a lot in common with me"

"You...are me, your the next people's poet, that is your meaning to bring peace, art love and anarchy to the world"

Kelsie was speechless "I,I, wow"

Kelsie bowed to him "Well it is an honour to be the people's poet of the 21st century"

(a few hours later)

the music was still going, but Vyvyan was uninstalling his DJ kit so he could watch Netflix, Neil had a hangover and Mike was outside having a cigarette break 

Rick sighed, "I'm bored" Kelsie rolled his eyes "same", Rick mumbled to himself "a million more parties and I'll still never get a shag" Kelsie had overheard  "Rick?"  Rick sniffled scoffing "what?" he looked up  "I've always saved mine for someone very special and if you think it's time can I be your first?"  

he smiled "yes you can," he said in a soft tone as they both ran back upstairs to his room,  with Rick being the bottom, but he did always know he'd be in that position

he pulled down his dungarees and slipped on a rubber johnny and some lotion, he was ready, he slithered along like a snake, while Kelsie felt not many physical feelings during the act he could feel a  sensation in his stomach,it was alright,but it had been overhyped so they just teased each other, pulling his pigtails and play fighting they ended up forgetting about the act and just tickling and cuddling each other

After a round of Guitar Hero, the party was over, Neil, Mike and Vyvyan waved Goodbye as Kelsie made his way back to the front door before he felt a soft peck from her lips as Rick kissed him as he waved goodnight 


	45. Interdimensional Visit (Finale)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ever since the New Years party, Rick hadn't seen Kelsie in ages, when he decides he shall hide his feelings no more, by visiting him in the "other universe", but will Kelsie remember him?

It had been weeks and weeks, Vyvyan had attended a few gigs, Neil suddenly started attending Greggs more regularly, Mike had finally gotten a job as an advertiser for products and Rick….was alone.

 

He scratched his chin as he looked at the essay page on his desk, hitting it with his pencil

He sighed looking up at his aesthetic looking screensaver of Michelangelo's David, human league and echo and the Bunnymen.

 

He hadn’t seen Kelsie in ages since the new year party he kept the pink sweater and dungarees he had been given but he still felt alone.

 

Outside of internet people, he at times would talk to he was alone, he hated being alone

He got up the software that sends him to the other universes and was transported into...the other world.

 

Kelsie was standing outside a mall moving his phone when he could see a light green and purple vortex circle which Rick pulled himself out of like an elastic band

 

Kelsie bulged his eyes out, then again it had been a long while since they last talked

 

“What am I looking at?” Kelsie said,

 

Rick was surprised he was taken aback raising an eyebrow nervously laughing “i-it’s me Kelsie don’t you remember me?”

 

Kelsie blurred his vision for a bit trying to make sense of what was happening

“Where did you come from?,”Why are you here?”,”Is this real?”

 

Rick started to sniffle, “I-I came from Bristol, I-errr wanted to visit you and he looked at his watch for a second, this is real,”

 

Kelsie couldn’t remember him, Rick was close to heartbroken, his eyes watered up as he started to whimper, shrieking his cries and whining so loud that some onlookers could vaguely overhear

As while Kelsie was visible to Rick, Rick wasn’t visible to Kelsie.

 

He whined “I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR DAYS, HOW DID YOU SUDDENLY FORGET ABOUT ME, IT’S THAT ALL I AM TO PEOPLE JUST A RUDDY MEMORY, A CLIP FROM A TV SHOW INSTEAD OF A PERSON WHO HAS FEELINGS,THEY’RE ANTI SOCIAL FEELINGS BUT THEY’RE STILL FEELINGS, WE JOKED ABOUT TOGETHER,WE TALKED ABOUT PERSONAL ISSUES TOGETHER, WE CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS TOGETHER, WHY DON’T YOU REMEMBER ME?”

 

Kelsie felt bad, “I-I I’m sorry, I might be able to remember you if you said your name, don’t cry, I-I didn’t know

 

Rick stopped crying and smiled “I’m Rick”

 

Kelsie blinked and blinked again “Oh!, it’s you, Rick I’m so sorry about how I acted back there, it was like we were strangers what are you doing in the main universe anyway”

 

Rick smiled but then scoffed “It’s ok, I’m just being overdramatic as usual, and Vyvyan, Neil and Mike are busy, I missed you and I wanted to visit you”

 

Kelsie blushed “That was nice of you, I’ve been kinda busy with real life stuff, nice to see you again

 

Rick shrugged “so what you up to anyway”

 

Kelsie looked up “I was planning on seeing Stan and Ollie but I can’t find anyone to see it with me

 

Rick puckered his lips and moved his eyes around “I know someone who could go with you”

 

Kelsie did the same,” and who may that be?”

 

Rick moved his head, “Someone who has an appreciation for the arts of cinema and theatre just as much as you do”

 

“Someone who cares about you more than they do about their Smith's vinyls, someone who would cross the barriers of the interdimensional galaxies just to see you again, someone who could write a love sonnet for a fellow peoples poet and you’d think it was written by Oscar Wilde”

 

Kelsie was trying to process what he was saying when out of nowhere, he kissed him on the forehead

 

Kelsie was blushing cherry red, Kelsie was surprised but had recognized his feelings and he accepted them

 

“I love you, Kelsie, I love the connection we get from our conversations,I love the cold sarcastic responses you give to my jokes,I love that your passionate about anarchism like I am, I love your abrasive but chill Irish spirit,I love your ambitious and anti-social attitude and even if visiting you requires several time travel buses, planes and taxi’s it’s worth it just to see you again”.

 

Kelsie felt like crying but just gushed with happiness when he said “I love you too Rick and I feel the exact same way, while I’m a busy person I will always try to visit through whether it’s through astral projection or lucid dreams,Kelsie then imitated a pet shop boys voice “your always on my mind”

 

They then hugged for a long while until they walked up to the local cinema “two tickets for Stan and Ollie please”

 

they had a blast

 

Looks like the people's poet had found love after all


End file.
